Slightly funnier than the rest I think
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
Cos 0 = 1
It feels good while you're doing it, but you're only fucking yourself.
A Soviet army is marching through a Finnish forest when a general hears a voice from over a hill shout: "one Finnish soldier is better than 10 Soviet soldiers!" The general promptly send 10 soldiers to root out the voice, there is gunfire, and then silence. After a few minutes, the voice shouts defiantly: "One Finnish soldier is better than a hundred Soviet soldiers!!" The general sends a hundred men to remove the nuisance, there is a racket of gunfire, and then quiet. The voice crys out loudly once more: "One Finnish soldier is better than a thousand Soviet soldiers!!" Enraged, the general sends a thousand men charging over the hilltop to shut up that voice once and for all, an epic battle rages, and then quiet. After a few minutes, a gravely wounded Soviet crawls back over the hill and crys: "It's a trap! There are two Finnish soldiers!!"
One girl says “the sky is definitely blue” that is wrong One boy says “the leaves are definitely green” that is wrong One boy asks “are farts lumpy?” The teacher says no, He says “then I definitely shit my pants”
That way, you can make sure they’re not some weirdo who reads /r/dadjokes.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
He was on stage one day and said "Uno…dos…" and then he disappeared without a tres.
A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over
I tell them it doesn't really matter.
…but I couldn't catch them all.
The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him. The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one. The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it. The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered. The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?" and the Guinness president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."
they're fried in Greece.
20, 20, 20, and 20.
They always seem sketchy.
So they called it a day.
Dad: "'Yes' or 'no'."
Next to a Windu.
A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's navigation and communications equipment. Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to get back to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building with lights on and flew toward it, the pilot had the passenger draw a handwritten sign reading, "WHERE AM I?", and hold it up for the building's occupants to see. People in the building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said, "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the passenger asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position. The pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the Microsoft support building, they gave me a technically correct but entirely useless answer."
You can't tell me that's just a coincidence.
So I let him drive it from time to time
He saw a sign at the front of a building that said "chicken strips for $2"
I walked up behind her, placed my crotch in the center of her ass and gave a thrust. “Excuse me!” she shouted. “I’m trying to put a load in the dishwasher!” “Me too”, I replied.
I got a few Twix up my sleeve.
They are already experts at recycling.
On the dark side… This joke was a little forced.
You should go to Daenerys exit.
Boss: "Problem? No such thing, we call it an opportunity!" Man: "Ok, I have a serious drinking opportunity."
Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.
I have a Czech one, too. One too.
I asked for his autograph, but all he wrote was ‘thanks’…
It just goes from bad to worse…
I found an alien masturbating in my freezer last night. I asked him what on earth he was doing in there.
He said, “I cum in peas.”
Son: Why did you do that? Father: So you will not be bored there.