Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you.
But smoking bacon will cure it.
I haven't cleaned it, but I have had time.
Its a boring job
I said I wasn’t too sure about that but I do a wicked Bohemian Rhapsody…
I went to the doctor because I was having hearing problems. “Can you describe the symptoms ?”, he asked.
I said "Homer's a fat guy and Marge has blue hair"
Friend- "That's not true, there is no such law anywhere in middle east". Me- "Yeah, but you need to be above 13 to use Facebook".
It's all I've heard all year
Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
How could anyone stoop so low?
Surprise, it was an apple, but with very little memory. Just one byte. Then everything crashed.
A millenial falcon
It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.
But it's hard to deliver
But when I got home, the tables were turned…
Because they're always stuffed.
No text found
Dad: Yes, the Brits left.
I know because every time I cut one, I keep a log.
And I gotta say that's true because I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey
I looked at it and thought, “This isn’t for me.”
It's the neighborhood watch.
As soon as we got him home, he made a bolt for the door
We were smoking a joint in front of a guy’s store, and he came out and said, “Excuse me, we have No Smoking rules here.”
I said, “Thanks man. Most other places have tons of smoking rules.”
You’ve seen the mall.
Always walkin around like they rent the place.
It has a lot time to reflect.
It causes the microphones to rust.
Abe turns to Sol and asks, "Do you think there's baseball in Heaven?" Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal — if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in Heaven, and if you die first, you do the same." They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on. Soon afterward, Sol sits in the park feeding the pigeons by himself and hears a voice whisper, "Sol… Sol… ." Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?" "Yes it is, Sol," whispers Abe's ghost. Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in Heaven?" "Well," says Abe, "I've got good news and bad news." "Gimme the good news first," says Sol. Abe says, "Well, there is baseball in Heaven." Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that?" Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."
Doris locked that’s why I’m knocking
It was only a minute long.
but it’s definitely up there.
sin 90 = cot 45
I have a friend who was born on October 10th. Every year for his birthday I get him a 3 foot long pole. He hates it.
It might be stupid, but 10/10 wood post again.
I have no words
… and the cashier said, "Whoa, are you going to put that up yourself?" I said, "No, you sicko, I'm putting it in my living room!"