So awkward I even feel embarrassed
But no one has given me a straight answer
But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.
Edit: Wow, this blew up! Thanks for the gold kind stranger!
You don't hear medical students calling themselves doctors, or art students calling themselves unemployed.
They charged him with attempted murder.
Instant karma. Saluting this Judge who threw a drunk driver’s mom in jail for laughing at victim’s family in court
One of them is left leaning, and the other one is right leaning.
The first says: “Windy isn’t it?” The second says: “Wednesday? Isn’t it Thursday?” The third says: “Thirsty? Let’s order some drinks!”
It was an ether / oar situation.
They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of their hectic schedules, it was difficult for the couple to coordinate their travel plans. So the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, while his wife planned to fly down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter of her email address, and sent the email without realizing his error. Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. He was a Baptist minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email, expecting condolence messages from family and friends. But after reading her very first email, she screamed and fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read: To: My Loving Wife Subject: I’ve Arrived Date: 21 February 2018 I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I’ve just arrived and have been checked in. I’ve seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was. P. S. Sure is freaking hot down here!!!
You flip it over and it becomes capsized.
Turns out it was just saturday night fever (Taking advantage of a very narrow humour window!)
I can see it clearly.
Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.
and it's fucking discussing.
They never meat.
…until it is full groan.
The library- it’s got the most stories 😂😂😂
…Mrs. Goldstein decided to leave NY for a vacation in Miami Beach. She decided to make a reservation at the Fountainebleu hotel (which at the time, infamously would not rent rooms to Jews or other minorities) She got to the front desk and signs her name in the ledger. The clerk looks at her signature and says, "Oh there must have been a mistake. You can't stay here." "What do you mean?" she answers confused. "Well, your last name is Goldstein. You can't stay here." To which he points to the sign saying 'No Jews' "Oh, you think I'm Jewish? I'm not Jewish." "Oh really? If that's the case, you can answer these questions…Who is our lord and savior?" "Why, Jesus, of course…" she answers without hesitation. "Uh huh. And where was he born?" the manager snidely asks. "In the city of Bethlehem, In a manger." "Uh huh. And why was he born in a manger?" "Because a schmuck like you wouldn't rent a room to a nice Jewish couple!"
You can't do that. Bishops can only move diagonally.
The father said: "Why, my son, it is a 'chechia.' In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun.” "And what is the long flowing robe you are wearing?” asked the boy. “Oh, my son!” exclaimed the father “It is very simple. This is a 'djbellah.' As I have told you, in the desert it is not only very hot, but the sand is always blowing. My djbellah protects the entire body." The son then asked: "But Father, what about those ugly shoes you have on your feet?” "These are 'babouches' my son,” the father replied. You must understand that although the desert sands are very beautiful, they are also extremely hot. These babouches keep us from burning our feet." "So tell me then," added the boy. "Yes, my son…” "Why are we living in Birmingham and still wearing all this bollocks?
Every time you open a door, someone tells you to fuck off.
Because he conditioned it.
I told him that was the last thing I needed.
It always makes me say things I didn’t Nintendo…
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
People cancel everything and rearrange their entire lives just for three inches coming fast.
I'm not sure how I feel about it.
Free of charge.
because its dead