But I knew I'd get no reaction.
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The look on their face when you're nailing them.
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “Can you tell me what happened before The Big Bang?”
The professor replied, “Sorry. No Time.”
It's a vicious cycle…
Guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog
I recently found a round, black piece of plastic, with a hole in the middle and grooves on both sides. I picked it up and threw it. It flew for more than 300 yards.
I'm sure that must have been a record.
In heaven, there were two huge signs. The first read, Men Who Did What Their Wives Told Them to Do….
The line of men under this sign stretched as far as the eye could see. The second sign stated, Men Who Did What They Wanted to Do. Only one man stood under that sign. Intrigued, St. Peter said to the lone man, “No one has ever stood under this sign. Tell me about yourself" The man shrugged and said, “My wife told me to stand here.”
Because they cantaloupe. Courtesy of me sick and loopy at the grocery store.
Turns out, Israel
I noticed some real change in him
For my liiifffeee to be oveeeerrrr!
She gave him the cold shoulder.
They work just fine outside as well
The butcher replied “I caught him with his dick in the bacon slicer!” “Oh!” I replied, “what did you do with the bacon slicer?” “I fired her as well!” said the Butcher.
That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away and have their shoes.
now that's a site for sore eyes
"What? We should only have 37!" I replied. "I know" he said, "I rounded them up".
It was Riveting.
I don’t know why
Wife: ok just throw them out [Later] Husband: helping the kids pack a suitcase look I'm as surprised as you are
Miss by few inches and you’re in deep shit.
everyone starts acting like you've been best friends since 1st grade once they see what you have.
She came to her senses!
One turns to the other and says "what kind of music are you into?" The other one replies "I'm a big metal fan"
It got mugged.
Surprising since most Aussies like to boo meringue.
He's a Boxer…
Because You can't c in the dark
When you pee on them, they disappear.
I really do. Edit: Thanks for the silver! Edit: Thanks for the gold! Edit: Thanks for the platinum! Edit: Thanks for 4k up votes!
"I'd like a whisky and……………coke" Bartender "why the big pause?" Bear "i don't know, i was born with'em"
WHEN DO WE WANT THEM?! NEEEEYOOOOOOOOW