So much denial
He was on stage one day and said "Uno…dos…" and then he disappeared without a tres.
This is the time of the year when I get really annoyed when everyone writes “X” instead of “Christ.”
I calm myself down by playing my Christ Box 360.
Me: "wow … that's a very long name, hungryAndDon'tSayHiHungryI'mDad"
From my chemistry teacher; Frank Jr. "Yeah I have the same name as my dad. You want to know his best dad joke? Every time he calls me on the cellphone, he starts the conversation with "listen, I'm gonna be frank with you"
They only had a pair of trunks!
He finishes his drink and asks for the check. Duck billed platypus.
The results pretty much speak for themselves…
The first girl says, ‘My boyfriend can fit a whole fist up there.’ The second girl says, ‘Ha, my boyfriend can fit two fists and a foot.’ The third girl just smiles as she slides down the bar stool.
I said to him, “I bet I know what your favorite Christian festival is.” He said, “Have to love Easter, baby.”
Right where you left him.
because I get sick no matter when I eat them.
Bond. Legal Bond.
My friends and I tried to bypass the quarantine laws by dressing up as crows and hanging out together on top of a telephone wire
Unfortunately, someone called the police on us and we got arrested for attempted murder.
Now I’m in hot water with the Japanese mafia
I think she's a keeper.
I’ve never had a garbanzo bean on my face before.
All I did was take a day off.
When I got home, I realised I didn't even have a coconut.
I turned her down I don't like high maintenance women
Taken: Out Of Context.
Yesterday my seven year old son asked me "where does poo come from?". I was a little bit uncomfortable but I gave him an honest explanation. Then he looked at me a little perplexed for a few seconds and then he asked "And Tigger?"
Your under a vest
“Fine, how much to acquire a singing ensemble?”
I guess I am putting words in her mouth.
Because they are so good at it.
It's all in the delivery