So unnecessary
Why should china have a base ball team?
Because they can take down the whole world with one bat.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married…
The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
We have a friend who likes to have sex with inanimate objects, but we haven’t seen him for a long time.
He always has stuff to do.
What’s the difference between acne and a priest?
Acne doesn't come on your face until you're 13.
My friend just emailed me a compressed nsfw video
sigh… unzips
Coughy Filter (see attached meme)
https://imgur.com/a/wi51bYh
Why do seagulls live by the sea?
Because if they lived by the bay they’d be bagels.
How was the roman empire cut in half
With a pair of Caesars
Will glass coffins be a success?
Remains to be seen.
Why are Apple stores hypocritical?
Because to construct them, you need to install windows
A lumberjack goes into a forest to chop down a tree…
…but he didn't know it was a magic forest. As he began to chop down a tree, the tree said "Wait I am a talking tree". The lumberjack said "And you will dialogue".
I lost my job at the quarry…
I guess you could say I've hit rock bottom…
Flat earthers are very worried about the COVID-19 pandemic.
They are afraid that social distancing measures may push people over the edge.
Soon just got me without this one: “Hey Dad, want to hear a construction joke?”
Give me a second I'm still working on it.
I told my tailor that I would be choosing and putting on my own clothes for my upcoming wedding
He said "suit yourself."
I got pulled over by a traffic cop. He walked up to my window and said, “Papers.” I said, “Scissors, I win!” and I drove off.
He must be desperate for a re-match because he’s been chasing me for ages!
It’s April 1st…
Happy April Flu’s Day!
My mother always used to say “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”
Lovely woman; terrible surgeon.
Just found out that cockfighting is done with roosters.
That's 27 years of rigorous training, straight down the fucking drain.
Not to brag, but I have sychic powers.
For example, right now you’re thinking, “It’s psychic, you idiot!”
A farmer goes out and buys a new, young rooster. As soon as he brings him home, the young rooster rushes and screws all 150 of the farmers hens. The farmer is impressed.
At lunchtime, the young rooster again screws all 150 hens. The farmer is not just impressed anymore,he is worried. Next morning,not only is the rooster screwing the hens but he is screwing the turkeys,ducks even the cow. Later farmer looks out into the barnyard and finds the rooster stretched out, limp as a rag, his eyes closed, dead and vultures circling overhead. The farmer runs out, looks down at the young roosters limp body and says: "You deserved it, you horny bastard!" And the young rooster opens one eye, points up at the vultures with his wing, and says, Shhhh!,they are about to land."
What did Sushi A say to Sushi B?
Wasabi!
Can we take a serious moment to raise awareness about the North Atlantic Garbage Patch?
Not enough people really talk about England very much
I hate it when kids write “angle” instead of “angel”.
They’re just trying to be edgy.
Six topless women sounds nice
Dozen Tit??
If we make it past 2020, I’ll be dreading 2022.
After all, 2022 is 2020, too!
Coronavirus
I bet the guy who invented hand sanitizer is rubbing his hands together now.
When is 40 bigger than 50?
XL is bigger than L
Why do hobbit holes only have one entrance?
One does not simply walk into more doors.