So, you don’t trust a doctor to stitch you up?
Fine. Suture self.
You know, for shits and giggles.
I was so embarrassed when my wife found out that I was playing with my son’s train set that I threw a bedsheet over it.
I managed to cover my tracks.
We really need to raise the bar
He lost the other in Nom.
Then it hit me
I thought it would be a piece of cake!
I said, “I don’t notice a vas deferens.”
Fish n ships Not mine. Saw it somewhere else and I thought it fits here
2B or not 2B
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.
She was a good woman… Terrible surgeon though
He sees a black man sitting casually at the side, and is disgusted by the sight of him. He then waves to the bartender and says, "I'd like to order a beer for everyone here except the black guy." As everyone else is treated to a beer, he looks back at the black man in hopes of getting a reaction out of him. The black man still sits casually, this time with a smile on his face. Confused and annoyed, the racist man waves again to the bartender and says, "another round for everyone except that same man." As everyone else enjoys their second beer, the racist man looks back again at the black man, who is still smiling. visibly angered, the racist man calls the bartender over a third time and orders a another round of beer for everyone except the black man. He then looks at the black man one more time, and sees him laughing. Furious, he rushes back to the bartender, points at the black man and asks, "Okay, what the hell is up with this guy?" The bartender then replies, "Oh, you didn't know? He owns this place."
Those damn moose limbs.
Dad: Why isn’t anybody turning the 5th kid around?
"No we didn't.", replies the Chinese national. "But Taiwan just legalized same-sex marriage!" "No… Taiwan is not… uh… Yes, China is … uh…"
Because Mario came down the wrong pipe.
I stopped because I wasnt feeling it.
I’m not buying it.
But when I woke I realized that it was just a Fanta sea.
Ruth hits a tree. Johnny decides to continue on. Ruthlessly.
He just can’t part with it.
I don’t know why
He was obviously milking it
A woman asked an Army General when the last time he had made love to a woman. The general replied "1956, ma'am." The woman, in disbelief said "1956?! That long? Come with me and let me make your night better." The woman and general went back to her apartment and made passionate love for over an hour. Afterwards, the woman cuddled up to the general and said "Well, you sure haven't forgotten anything since 1956…" The general looked at her, confused, and replied "I sure hope not, it's only 2130 now."
I was crossing the street when I suddenly noticed my ex getting run over by a bus. I thought to myself, “Wow! That could have been me!”
Then I remembered I can’t drive a bus 🙁
Your eyes, cause they dilate
I walked up behind her, placed my crotch in the center of her ass and gave a thrust. “Excuse me!” she shouted. “I’m trying to put a load in the dishwasher!” “Me too”, I replied.