Some scientists were able to recreate human vocal cords in a petri dish…
The results pretty much speak for themselves…
My work has just hired an Australian IT expert
He comes from a LAN down under
At age 12, Little Johnny was blessed with a nine inch penis.
And three years later, that priest went to prison.
I seriously have to stop dropping things.
It’s really been getting out of hand.
The Dow Jones drops more than 2000 points today. How long before Trump blames Obama?
https://ift.tt/2IAyOVb
A priest hooks a huge fish
A priest hooks a huge fish Helping him reel it in, a sailor says "Whoa, look at the size of that fucker!". "Hey, mind your language!" says the priest. Embarrassed, the sailor thinks quickly and blurts out, "Sorry father, but that's what this fish is called, it's a Fucker fish". Accepting the explanation, the priest forgives the sailor and takes the fish back to church. "Look at this huge fucker" says the priest, spotting the bishop. "Language, please! this is God's house," replies the bishop. "No, no that's what this fish is called, "says the priest. "Oh," says the bishop, scratching his chin "I could clean that fucker and we could have it for dinner". So the bishop takes the fish, cleans it, and brings it to the mother superior. "Could you cook this fucker for dinner tonight?" he asks her. "My, what language!" she exclaims, clearly shocked. "No, sister that's what the fish is called – a fucker", says the bishop. Satisfied with the explanation, the mother superior says, "Wonderful, I'll cook that fucker tonight, The Pope is coming for dinner!" The fish tastes just great and The Pope asks where they got it. "Well, I caught the fucker!" says the priest. "And I cleaned the fucker!" says the bishop. "And I cooked the fucker!" says the mother superior. The Pope stares at them for a minute with a steely glaze, leans back on his chair, takes off his cap, puts his feet up on the table, pours himself a whiskey and says:" You know what?, You cunts are alright."
I gave all my dead batteries away today…
Free of charge
A nun is in the bath
Shes hears a knock on the door and a man says "can i come in". "who are you?" she asks nervously. "Im the blind man" he replies. "Oh well in that case come in" she says relieved. The man walks in. "Nice tits" he says "Now where shall I hang these blinds?"
Bros Vs. Hoes.
A woman doesn't come home one night. The next day she tells her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house. The husband calls his wife's 10 best friends. None of them know anything about it. A man doesn’t come home one night. The next day he tells his wife that he had slept over at a friend’s house. The wife calls her husband's 10 best men friends. Eight of them confirm that he had slept over, and two claim that he was still there.
Give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for a day …
Give a man a poisoned fish, and you’ll feed him for a lifetime!
You meet a man on the Oregon Trail.
He tells you his name is Terry. You laugh at him and say"That's a girl's name!" Terry shoots you. You have died of dissin' Terry.
An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Ireland one morning with a purse full of money.
She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money. After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office. The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, '$165,000'. The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money . The elderly woman replied that she made bets. The president was surprised and asked, 'What kind of bets?' The elderly woman replied, 'Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square.' The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that. The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, 'Would you like to take my bet?' 'Certainly', replied the president. 'I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square.' 'Done', the elderly woman answered. 'But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 ' clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness.' 'No problem', said the president of the Bank confidently. That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that way, up and down, turned it around, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet. The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly. The president was happy to oblige. The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. 'Of course', said the president. 'Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure.' The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the *lawyer was banging his head against the wall.* He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, 'Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock this morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Royal Bank of Ireland '
I’m in a band named “999 megabytes”.
We haven't got a gig yet.
A father in Iraq gifted his daughter a new bag. The daughter replied…..
Thanks for the Baghdad
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
You shouldn’t take medicine on an empty stomach.
I cannot believe there’s no cure for obesity yet.
I thought it would be a walk in the park.
People call me Mr. Compromise…
Wasn't my first choice for a nickname, but I can live with it…
What happened to the frogs car when it broke down?
It got toad away.
A bear walks in to a bar
"I'd like a whisky and……………coke" Bartender "why the big pause?" Bear "i don't know, i was born with'em"
1 out of 5 people suffer from loneliness
So, if you look around and you don’t see the other 4 people, they’re out having fun without you.
Dads are like boomerangs
I hope
I have an irrational fear of overly engineered buildings.
I have a complex complex complex.
ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ
No text found
I used to like Mitch Hedberg
I still do, but I used to too
I once walked in on my teachers having sex
Being homeschooled was never easy for me
why did the latino man go to the therapist?
to talk about hispanic attacks.
A boy is about to be sentenced for killing his parents. He begs the judge to spare his life. The judge asks for one good reason he should be shown any mercy.
The boy replies, “I’m an orphan, your honor.”
Our leaders vs local newscasters showing the importance of social distancing.
https://ift.tt/3djWjzY
Why do pirates love reddit?
It be the best place to exchange stolen content for gold.
I approached a woman in a bar and seductively said, “Hi Darlin’, I’d love to get into your pants!”
She said, "No thanks, there's already an asshole in there."
Whats the difference between a Cactus and a School bus?
A cactus has all the little pricks on the outside.
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNQRSTUVWXYZ
If you came here looking for an OP, you got it.
