Some things go without saying:
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Mom: "It's clearly not." Dad: Sits down "It is now!"
Except Chris Brown
When you pee on them, they disappear
Now he’s Aware Wolf!
I did once and I got Hogwarts. Now they won't quidditching.
On a plane!
She replied "At least we know it'll be quick"
Or should I spread them apart?
Tell him Obama put it in.
Because all the Cheetahs are too easy to spot, and there are others who will end up Lion to you.
That makes two of us.
I’ve had it right up to here with them!
A can't opener.
“You’re much bigger than that.”
The doctor says it’ll be a few weeks before I can use my ankle again.
Yesterday one of my good friends told me I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space.
It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say and it completely ruined our bath.
China just got it right off the bat
Arya went west, Jon went north, Drogon went east, and the show went south.
They didn't even do anything.
But her aim is getting better!
She replied, “Approximately 0.3583679495453”. I stared at her, confused. Seeing my confusion, she added, “You know, cos (789)”
In the end you ignore it all and just click "I agree"
The man at the front desk has a game he likes to play. When the first couple checked in, he asked the bride what her job was. She said she was a maid. The man thought to himself "Maids are hot. This guy's going to have a fun honeymoon." When the next couple checked in, he asked the bride the same question. She told him she was a nurse. The man at the front desk thought "nurses are even sexier. This guy's going to get laid." The third couple checked in right after. The same question was asked. The bride said she was a high school teacher. The man behind the desk scoffed. "Teachers are so strict." He thought. "They'll probably go right to bed." Just an hour later, the first groom came down to eat. "Already? I thought you'd be spending the night with your new wife." Said the man "I tried!" Replied the groom. "But she insisted on tidying up the room." Another hour passed, and the second groom came down to get some food. The man asked "What are you doing down here so early?" And the groom said "Every time I tried to have sex with her, she just told me I wasn't clean enough." The man expected the third groom to come down soon, but he never did. He waited for hours and how's. Right near the end of his shift, the man finally saw the third groom come down, looking extremely tired. "There you are!" Said the man. "Did you get enough sleep?" "I never slept." Replied the groom. "My wife kept saying "We're going to do this again and again until you get it right."