Someone signed up my work email for the Trump email newsletter (see the name), and this was an email I just received. The validation this man requires, is truly funny and sad.
Same middle name
Beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder.
Don't you think they are taking "Social Distancing" a bit too seriously?
I decided to sit on it for a while
He’s a small arms dealer.
I think it was framed.
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
Comes great response ability.
Also why is water so fuckin scary?
You don’t want it but your dad is going to give it you anyway
Because it’s only interested in current events.
But I called her Bluff.
I know, it's gross, but we can only cum on prosthetic legs. Anyway, our last three-way with an amputee, we both prematurely came on her real toes! I had to politely ask the girl, "Can we start over? I feel like we got off on the wrong foot."
… and the cashier said, "Whoa, are you going to put that up yourself?" I said, "No, you sicko, I'm putting it in my living room!"
It always gives me the crêpes
He went to the psychiatrist and he discovered it was more than just a fear. He has a complex complex complex complex The Doctor sent him to a specialised centre.. It was the complex complex complex complex complex. Unfortunately, it was an over-engineered building. Yes, it was a complex complex complex complex complex complex.
Because in the end, they’re all wieners.
Pearl Harbor might have been an accident.
As I got on the 51st floor, the elevator attendant said “see you later, son”. I said indignantly, “don’t call me ‘son’, you’re not my dad!”
… To which the lift attendant replied, "Maybe not, but I brought you up, didn't I?"
whether they like it or not.
An international school teacher asks a question: “What’s your own opinion on food scarcity in other countries?”
An African student responds: What’s food? A European student: What’s scarcity? An American student: What are "other countries"? A Chinese student: What’s "my own opinion"?
I replied, "Probably failing my driving test."
Kid: What’re you eating, dad? Dad: Well, let’s see… whole grains, mashed fruit and bean paste. Kid: Ewwwwwww!
Dad: What’s wrong? I thought you loved peanut butter and jelly sandwiches!
They found Himalayan in the street!
"The bad news is it's brain cancer."