Someone’s been adding soil to my garden…
The plot thickens.
No wait, she's back She just went make a cup of coffee..
My bio says otherwise
My screen is blue, I think I deleted system32.
On my lap. Turned on. Virus free.
Sylvester Stallone says, "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks." Chuck says, "Guys, I'm bored of doing action movies too and I've got some ideas but you may not like them." Sylvester says, "Let us hear it." So Chuck continues, "All right, this may sound silly, but I was actually thinking about doing a movie on great classical composers." That's when Arnold throws himself in the conversation and says, "That sounds like a great idea! Sylvester, you can be Mozart, and Chuck can be Beethoven!" "And who will you be, Arnold?" "I'll be Bach."
Its literally made of hide.
“You crossed the wrong guy” I think all the redditors will agree, with this joke, I nailed it Edit: I am a Christian myself and I dont mean to offend anyone, I just thought it was hilarious.
Two. One to change the bulb, and one to hold the penis. Edit: *Father Edit: * LADDER!!!! Dammit.
Because then we’d have corona with Lyme
I'd come in fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.
I said, "But Baby, its cold outside."
Yeah me too.
I’m still waiting for my adult super-vision to kick in
“Nope. It’s as easy as 1,1,2,3.”
I'm going to call it Poke, Mon
The distributive property.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt and walks up to the bartender and asks for two beers and says…
"One for me and one for the road"
He never returns home and the universe runs out of milk.
She said yes, all the others had been nines and tens
An hour after checking in, the man calls the front desk. Man- "My wife and I had a fight and she is going to jump out the window." Help desk- " It's your personal matter and we cant help in this situation. " Man- " Personal matter my ass the window doesn't open."
Productivity is through the roof since nobody can leave the office.
Step 1 Step 2 Step 3 Step 6 Step 12 Step 24
Now it’s aware wolf
I thought to myself, "What a peculiar clerk."
Because there's no post on Sunday
…I can never tell if they’re joking or not.
"You have perfect eyesight."
Because they arrrrrr!!!
A doctor came to greet him. "Good morning, sir. What's your name?", the doctor asked. "I am John F. Kennedy", the patient replied. "Oh, well I believe you'll fit in here quite well. We have a lot of former presidents at our hospital." "I'm not a president. I'm an airport."
When the punchline becomes apparent.
The demon said that he is going to eat them. But being in good mood he gave them chance to escape death and go home, should they pass his test: survive three strikes of his whip. He also said that they can wish for any one thing to protect themselves against the whip. The American gone first. He wished for a shield made of titanum steel. But the shild held only for two strikes. At the first strike of the demonic whip it severely deformed, at the second strike it protected the American, but completely fell appart. The third strike killed the poor American. Then came the Indian. "I don't need anything to protect myself.", said the Indian. "I practiced yoga for decades, both my mind and my body are ready to withstand any punishment that you whip will give." And so he did. Demon's whip didn't leave even a scar on yogi's body . "Okay, you passed my test", the demon said,"You can go". "I will stick around for while, I'm curious about what the Brit will do." The demon asked the Brit: "Now it's your turn. What will you use to protect yourself?". "Why, the Indian, of course!".
The ceremony wasn’t much but the reception was incredible!
…but I'm slowly getting over them.
He was an excellent ruler.
Love means nothing to them
But I got bored and quit because it was just one ting after another.
Oh well, hindsight is 1.