Did you hear about the banana that was a prosecutor?
He won the conviction, but slipped up on appeal.
It all
The title says it all.
The Holy Bible is proven to be 100% accurate.
When thrown at a close-range, especially.
I’m not complaining, just expressing something most new Web Developers can understand
https://ift.tt/2PZRrG8
As a doctor, I’ve never made a joke about an unvaccinated baby.
But let me give it a shot.
What do you call an angsty teenage robot?
A sigh borg!
What do you get when you mix 50% human DNA with 50% goat DNA?
Kicked out of the petting zoo.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving.
You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
Student loans you got me through college
I don’t think I can ever repay you
What’s the time?
11:34 right now
What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
Ones a Goodyear. The other is a great year.
I just cross-bred an alligator and a homing pigeon.
I expect that'll come back to bite me.
A pirate goes to a doctor, worried that the moles on his back might be cancerous. The doctor inspects them.
"It's ok," he says. "They're benign." The pirate replies "Check 'em again matey, I think there be at least ten!"
In Canada, you are more likely to die of a moose kick than of a terrorist attack.
Those damn mooselimbs.
I rarely tell dad jokes
But the times when I do, he laughs
I organised a secret bukkake party for my girlfriend…
Everybody came, you should have seen her face!
Who do Nuns travel in pairs ?
So one Nun can make sure that the other Nun doesn't get none.
What do you call a mute bodyguard?
A silent knight.
I was sitting on the toilet, exhausted, and late for work.
I thought, “I don’t have time for this shit.”
Did you know the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France?
They were cooked in Greece.
I played “My Heart Will Go On” on a public piano and people yelled at me.
Can't wait till this cruise is over.
Why did the Mexican take a Xanax?
For Hispanic Attack!
I’m a 40-year old with the body of a 20-year old.
Just need to find a place to bury her.
This deaf girl used to flirt with me constantly, but I was oblivious to it.
I wish I could have read the signs.
Cop on Horse
Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?" "Yes," replies the little girl. "Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5. The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?" The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!" "Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the dick goes under the horse, not on top of it!"