Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.

So, he opens the box and picks up the letter. He glances at it briefly to make sure it is stamped, and then puts it in his bag with his other letters. When he gets back to his office, the letter goes in a big bin with all of the other out-going mail. He thinks nothing of it, and finishes his day. A few days later, he delivers the exact same letter to the same house that he picked it up from. He glances at the mailing address and observes that it is indeed the same as the return address. Anyone can make a mistake, so the mailman puts the letter in the mailbox so that the customer can readdress it for its proper recipient. He thinks nothing of it and finishes his day. The next day, the mailman sees the same mailbox with the flag up. He opens the box and again sees the same letter, nothing changed, but with a new stamp on it. The mailman is perplexed, and thinking to save the customer both time and money, decides to ring the doorbell and inquire about the letter. Ding-dong, ding-dong. Ding-dong, ding-dong. Ding-dong, Ding-dong. The door opens and standing there is a stout Buddhist monk, dressed in traditional garb. “Pardon me, sir,” the mailman says, “but you seem to be trying to mail this letter again, and without any changes to the address, it’s only going to end up back at your home in a few days.” “Ah, my letter. Thank you so much for mailing it the other day, it was greatly appreciated. Please do so again” replies the Buddhist monk. “But sir,” says mailman, “you will only waste a stamp, and this letter will be re-delivered to your home a few days from now.” “But that is my intention, dear man,” replies the Buddhist monk. “You see, reposting is the best way to get karma.”

Should I let her know?

This is due to its powerful hind legs and the fact the average house can't jump.

One day he turns to his Mom and says, “Mommy Mommy, if I’m a good boy all year and I eat all my vegetables will Santa bring me a body for Christmas?” “We’ll see!”, says Mom. The year goes by and Christmas arrives, Little Tommy wakes up bright and early to discover, right below his neck, a torso. He rolls down the stairs yelling “Mommy Mommy, Santa brought me a body!!” “That’s amazing Darling!”, Mom replies. Almost a year goes by and Christmas rattles around again. “Mommy Mommy, if I’m a good boy all year and I eat all my vegetables will Santa bring me arms for Christmas?” “We’ll see!”, says Mom. The year goes by and Christmas arrives, Little Tommy wakes up bright and early to discover, sure enough, Little Tommy has arms. He leaps onto his palms and down the stairs yelling “Mommy Mommy, Santa brought me arms!!” “That’s amazing Darling!”, Mom replies. Almost another year passes and Christmas arrives again. “Mommy Mommy, if I’m a good boy all year and I eat all my vegetables will Santa bring me legs for Christmas?” “We’ll see!”, says Mom. The year goes by and Christmas arrives, Little Tommy wakes up bright and early to discover, a pair of fully functional legs with feet to boot. He sprints down the stairs yelling “Mommy Mommy, Santa brought me legs!!” “That’s amazing Darling!”, Mom replies. Little Tommy can’t believe his luck. “Mommy Mommy, I just have to go tell Little Billy I have legs!” Little Tommy throws open the front door, bounds outside and is immediately killed by a passing car. The moral of the story? Quit while you’re a head.

The sign reads ”Beware! The End is near! Turn around now before it is too late!" A car full of atheists drives by at full speed, and the atheists yell at the monks "Go fuck yourselves you lame ass religious nuts!" Suddenly there's a sound of screeching tires, terrified screams and a splash! The first monk looks at the second monk and says "Brother, do you think the sign should just say 'Bridge Out'?”

Because smoking is bad for your health and you should stop cold turkey.

Because w‌‌ithout t‌‌hem their t‌‌its w‌‌ould b‌‌e p‌‌ointless.

I've always kinda wanted an iPhone but never had one before, so I go to the Apple Store to have a look. So there I am, when this middle aged guy comes up next to me, like really close. And then he starts asking me if I like the new iPhone, what do I think about the camera, am I thinking of getting one etc and I'm like "Yeah, it's pretty good." trying to play it cool because I don't wanna give away that there's no way I could even afford one if I wanted to. But then after a while, his comments start becoming personal, first complimenting my shoes and calling me a 'strapping young lad'. Now I'm quite weirded out but figure he's just new at sales and really bad at it. ​ But then I realised he's not a staff member, that he doesn't work there. So now I'm fully freaked out, this guy just came up to me and all up in my personal space, so I try to ignore him (but not trying to be subtle about it). I turn away, and get this, he sort of grabs my arm to turn me back and gives it a little squeeze and says something along the lines of "Ooh, you been hitting the gym yeah?". I turn to look at him and say "Excuse me, do not touch me" and quickly leave. ​ This guy catches up to me all apologetic, saying how sorry he is and he didn't realise he was annoying me and that. And as I'm about to say "Yeah okay fine whatever", he says "Listen, here's the thing. If you give me a blowjob, I will give you this new iPhone XS" and pulls out this new iPhone, box fresh. I was flabbergasted. I genuinely thought I'd misheard him, so had to clarify and said "What? You want me to suck you off for a phone? Really?!" And he smiled and nodded. ​ Some people are fucking disgusting. Makes me sick. ​ Sent from my iPhone. ​

Cockroach: Jiminy, you look so tired. What's wrong? Cricket: Well, Damian, my Firefly neighbor has kept me up every night for the past week with her loud music, and I have talked to the landlord multiple times, and he still won't do anything about it. Cockroach: Gosh, Jiminy, that must really bug you.

It was a non-prophet organization!