Honestly, I should have seen the signs.
He sits down, holds up 2 fingers and says, “Five beers please.”
I’m planning to get down with the kids.
Me: I don’t think very fast at all Wife: Why not?! Me: Well I mean they have all that dead weight in the back… Literally a conversation we had last night. She actually laughed out loud!
She looked surprised.
Productivity is through the roof since nobody can leave the office.
A solid 10, but also imaginary.
The 5th grader from Alabama, because he’s 18 years old.
Happy New Year 2016 everyone.
Just in case he gets a hole in one.
He threw in the towels.
It's sweeping the nation
Because Dawn is tough on Greece.
But you've probably never heard of herbivore.
Shop owner: Sure. Where is it? Man: I have no idea.
Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday.Everybody complimented him on how healthy, athletic and well-preserved he appeared.
"I will tell you the secret of my success," Grandpa said, "My wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding day, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had an argument, or fight, the one who proved wrong would go outside and take a walk for 5 kms. Gentlemen, I have been walking in the open air day after day for some 75 years now." One friend further asked, ‘But your wife is also slim and energetic?’ Grandpa said, ‘that is another secret, my wife use to follow me behind checking whether I go for 5 kms or sit in a park!!!
It kept ringing
It's because they have two Shifts.
^ this is the truth.
"Good idea!" I replied. "We can cover more ground that way!"
No, wait, she's back – she was just making lunch.
…has only made me stronger.
She gave him the cold shoulder.
Decaffeinated coffee, you racist.
My friend gave it to me when he was dying, it seemed very important to him that I have it.