Son: What rhymes with purple?
Dad: No it doesn’t
They now yell “Donald, Duck!”
On the way to the airport, Mrs. Smith gets in a terrible car crash and is life-flighted to the hospital. Mr. Smith receives a call from the police telling him about the accident and rushes to the hospital. There, he waits for hours while his wife is in surgery. After many hours of waiting, the surgeon finally comes to speak with him. “Mr. Smith, I’ve got some bad news for you. Your wife has been paralyzed from the neck down. She will be unable to perform even the most basic functions as a human being. You will have to feed her, bathe her, change her clothes, clean up her stool, and take her to many, many appointments for the rest of her life. This will be a true test of your love for this woman.” Upon hearing this news, Mr. Smith breaks down and starts sobbing uncontrollably. Just then, the surgeon smiles and pats him on the back. “Relax Mr. Smith. I was just fucking with ya….she’s dead.”
The bartender said “Hey”, then the horse “you read my mind buddy.”
I answered “Why would you think that?” He said “Well, my teacher said they mostly live off of tourists there”.
She was a mathemachicken.
So they can beat the crowds.
He was a herbefor
After letting out a trumpet of a fart my toddler stopped, gasped and said, “did you just hear that elephant?”
She's going too be a great dad someday.
It’s full of s&m porn. Mom says: well what are we going to do? Dad says: what do you mean? Mom says: well.. we can’t spank him.
Some are born with it while others have to get it pounded into them.
The servers are currently down…
Make me one with everything.
They both slowly remove clogs.
I told her we use names here.
They arrive at the club and the doorman says, “Hey, Dave! How ya doin’?” His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before. “Oh no,” says Dave. “He’s on my bowling team.” When they are seated… A waitress asks Dave if he’d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says… “How did she know that you drink Budweiser?” “She’s in the Ladies Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them.” A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says:… “Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?” Dave’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else… But his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs,… Calling him every name in the book. The cabby turns his head and says, “Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave.”
does that make you an iWitness?
The walking debt.
The left ear, the right ear, and the final front ear. Thank you Stephen King for this wonderful joke.
Only a fraction of people will find this funny.
Not enough to break the ice.
Sorry, bad punctuation. I'm giving up. Masturbating for an entire month.
She was a dish
Because it was feeling crumby! (Blatant cake joke for karma! LOL)
It means a lot to them
I know its not the greatest gift, but you should've seen her face light up when she opened it.
The secret service isn’t allowed to yell “Get down!” anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
Because mummy said the moment you croak is when we're all going to Disneyland!
Now he's 97 years old and we have no idea where the hell he is
I'm going to call it IP in Pools
On the dark side… This joke was a little forced.
A good swearitan.
but none of them work.