StackOverflow in a nutshell
He takes the art out of rap artist
He opens the door to his parents room and sees mom, handcuffed to the bed's headboard, dad ramming her from behind. Johnny screams. Dad turns to looks at him, laughs and gives mom a slap on the bum for good measure. Johnny runs away, screaming. Once dad has finished mom off, he uncuffs her. She immediately says, 'You better go tell Johnny everything is OK, the shit he just saw could scar him for life". Dad rolls his eyes and begrudgingly agrees. Pulls on his robe and heads for Johnny's room only to find it's empty. He then heads for the TV room but when he passes the guest room, he notices the door is ajar, noises coming from inside. He opens the door to look in and sees Granny on her hands and knees, little Johnny fucking her from behind. Dad screams. Johnny turns around looks at him and says "Yeah, not so funny when it's your mom huh?"
So he could pickup his Master's degree.
I heard that he was framed.
But sadly John came in fifth and only received a toaster.
The rabbit says “I think I’m a typo”
Even worse, if you play it forwards you'll hear Nickelback.
“Oh I don’t know princess, why don’t you tell me?” I said. She gave me a huge smile and held up four fingers. It’s now three hours later, police have joined in and she still won’t say where she got them.
Neither have eye
…because he is a small arms dealer!
North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they’re brainwashed by the government and the media.
When every American knows that America is the best country in the world.
This post says otherwise
A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back." The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman. The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?" The Irishman replies, "Oh…I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first".
I countered, “Sorry. May I have a week off around Christmas!?”
He throws a cigarette off the boat and the boat becomes…a cigarette lighter
Don't use it.
It’s always the centre of a tension.
VELOCIRAPTOR -heehee physics jokes
I told her good idea, we can cover more ground that way.
He was obviously milking it
There were two finalists – one from the most prestigious university in the country, the other a country bumpkin from out West. They were each given 20 seconds to compose a poem about Timbuktu. Up steps the university student and he goes: "On the lonely desert sands, Crossed a lonely caravan. Men on camels, Two by two. Destination, Timbuktu." The crowd went wild – amazing for 20 seconds. Then it's the country bumpkin's turn: "Tim and I Off hunting went. Found three girls In a pop up tent. They were three, And we were two So I bucked one And Tim buck two."
When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they’re all priests and immediately says, "If any of you did the wrong things with altar boys, there’s no point waiting here. You might as well go straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”
I know because I kept a log
I went to return it and they gave me another one free of charge.