Stars be like
Virus has been quarantined for 14 days
I will find you. I have my contacts.
After years of hard work in the gym as a personal trainer I finally admitted I wasn’t strong enough and quit.
I just handed in my too weak notice.
[…] to pee on him whenever he wants. It's his monthly streaming service.
The irresistible urge to crack open a cold one.
I guess you could call him a cheap-steak.
The Englishman wants to go so they all have to leave.
I said to the foreman, “That sure is a big rock!” “Boulder,” he corrected me. So I stuck out my chest and shouted, “THAT SURE IS A BIG ROCK!!”
My wife loves tennis, and she was telling me how distracted she gets at the constant grunting during women’s matches.
I told her I’ll try not doing it again.
But it really went downhill fast.
My pronouns are He/Hee
Because he doesn't have a Seoul.
Boeing, Boeing, Boeing
I should have never left them in the same box as the bishops.
they were cooked in grease
He bought the ticket the day of and got a seat in the nosebleeds. He arrived a little late to the game and as he was entering the stadium he noticed a man with an empty seat right behind his teams bench. Ever the opportunist he walks over and asks the man if the seat's taken. "It isn't actually," the man replies. "You mind if I sit there?" "It's actually supposed to be my wife's seat, we haven't missed a Superbowl in 30 years." The man then asks why she isn't with him. "Well, sadly she died quite recently." "I'm sorry to hear that." The man says. "But you couldn't find a single friend or family member to sit with you?" "Unfortunately not," the man says, "They're all at the funeral."
How do you ruin a joke?
Because he had a lot of trans sisters
It’s just heartbreaking knowing he will never finish his sentence.
Never get over it.
Everyone knows that the zip code for Beverly Hills is 90210 thanks to the show, but not as many people know the zip code to Dawson’s Creek.
It’s 90108 …for our lives to be over…
You put a little boogie in it…
They both never get old.
A farmer was picking apples when he heard a noise from his pond. He walks over and sees three young women skinny dipping.
They notice him and crouch in the water up to their shoulders. “Go away! Stop spying on us!” The farmer says “Sorry ladies, but I didn’t come out here to see you naked.” Holding up his apple bucket he says “I came to feed the alligator.”
if you pull it out in school, then everybody is suddenly your friend