stoinks be like
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are standing, watching a street performer do some juggling.
The performer notices they have a rather poor view, so stands on a large box, asking 'Can you see me better now?' They reply: 'Yes' 'Oui' 'Si' 'Ja'
Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman eating a sandwich at a nearby table begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says: "Kin ya swallar?"The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks: "Kin ya breathe?"The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no. The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says: "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I never seed nobody done it."
I’ll do algebra and geometry
But graphing is where I draw the line
Once upon a time a Mexican magician performed in a magic show.
He counted: “Uno…” “Dos…” And disappeared without a trace.
Did you hear about the short psychic who escaped prison?
He's a small medium at large
Sausage jokes. They’re the wurst, aren’t they?
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I’m having a bun filled with ham and pineapple for my lunch today because…
…that's Hawai'i roll…
When the person who invented the USB drive dies…
They’ll lower the coffin into the grave, realize they put it in the wrong way and have to do it again.
Wife: Stop being an idiot. Just be yourself.
Me: Make up your mind.
a communist joke isn‘t funny until every one gets it. …
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What’s the fastest liquid?
Milk- it’s pasteurized before you see it
What do they say in Paris, TX?
Oui-haw!
The amount of bad coronavirus jokes is starting to reach worrying numbers.
Some scientists claim it might become a pundemic.
Boobs are like the sun.
You can stare at em longer if you're wearing sunglasses.
My wife is amazing
She just bought me a $500,000 life insurance policy and a free all-inclusive trip to the Dominican Republic!
If your nose runs and your feet smell
you're built upside down.
What do you call a child born in a whore house?
A Brothel Sprout
An atheist, a vegan, and a cross fitter walk into a bar.
I know because they told everyone within two minutes.
Telltale games is closing down.
'No matter what choices were made the outcome was going to be the same' said a spokesman
How many “friend zoned” guys does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They just compliment it and then get mad when it won't screw.
A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, “Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?” She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner
She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes." Eventually the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."
Two guys are in a bar. One had too much to drink and pukes all over himself.
“Oh no!”, the man says, “my wife’s gonna kill me if she knows I got this drunk!” His friend tells him “don’t worry it’ll be fine – just put ten dollars in your shirt pocket and tell her someone else did it and paid for it to get cleaned.” “Brilliant!”, says the man and he goes home. Wife sees him and says “ohh honey look what you’ve done! You’ve been sick everywhere! I can’t believe you got this drunk.” “Noo”, the man says, “it was someone else and look, to prove it there’s ten dollars in my shirt pocket from the guy who did it to go get it cleaned.” “But there’s twenty dollars in here…” she points out “I know,” he says, “he also shit in my pants.”
I’ve been having sex with my boss
It's one of the many benefits of being self employed
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for fresh prints.
Clint Eastwood gets called back from the light at the golf tournament yesterday
https://ift.tt/2Hfy47a
Why is Sunday stronger than Monday?
Because Monday is a weekday…
I believe that it is time for all the world’s countries to come together and create one universal currency
I mean it's just common cents
I just found out where Captain Hook got its hook
He got it from a second-hand store
What’s the cheapest meat? Deer balls.
They're under a buck.