Only 127 people?
My friend says to me “What rhymes with banana?”
And I told him "No it doesn't"
The rare liberal boomer
My mum sent me this
I can’t believe I got a life sentence for a little insider trading
The judge called it "organ harvesting", but that's just semantics
The Queen of England is taking a tour of an American hospital when she spots a patient furiously masturbating through an open door.
Her Majesty: "What's going on here? This is absolutely appalling." Nurse: "Actually, Your Highness, it's for medicinal purposes. This patient has a very serious condition, and if he doesn't orgasm at least once every eight hours, his testicles will swell and cause fatal clotting." Her Majesty: "Fascinating. Very well, carry on." All is well, until a few doors down the Queen sees a beautiful blonde nurse giving another patient a blowjob. Her Majesty: "Now what's this?" Nurse: "He's suffering from the same condition as that other patient, but this man has much better health insurance."
sorry if repost
GOPed up logic
Inorganic chemistry: No one can master me!!
“Honey, where’s my pointer?”
Mom Does Honey Have Legs?
How to make the wealthy show support for their nation.
If your phone auto corrects “fuck” to “duck,” it’s okay to keep it
It's still fowl language
My wife divorced me so I took her wheelchair…
Guess who came crawling back?
Am I normal?
If Bernie worked in a lab
Cmon guys, they’re boomers
Well that’s interesting, let’s take rest of the day off!!
Oh the irony
Velcro is such a rip-off
No text found
A year ago, my physician told me I would be going deaf.
I haven't heard from him since.
Make sure you get plenty of sleep tonight
Tomorrow we begin a 31 day March!
Found in a magazine I was handed for a school project
What do you call a teacher who doesn’t fart in public?
A private tutor
Chemistry really do be like that
Fluorine & caesium
Dont you hate it when people get ahead of themselves?
Edit：Wow thanks for the gold kind stranger!
I don’t trust stairs
They're always up to something.
Why is the plane on r/woooosh?
Because it flew over your head.
Just playing damn
Bernie off the top rope!
An Arab family was considering putting their grandfather Abdullah in a nursing home.
All the Arab Facilities were completely full, so they had to put him in an Italian home. After a few weeks in the Italian facility, they came to visit Abdullah. "How do you like it here?" Asked the grandson. It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful," said Abdullah. "We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you since you are a "little different" from everyone." "Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents." Abdullah said with a big smile. “There's a musician here – he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him Maestro! There is a judge in here – he's 95 year old. He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him Your Honour. There's a dentist here – 90 years old. He hasn't fixed a tooth for 25 years, and everyone still calls him Doctor. And me – I haven't had sex for 35 years and they still call me the Fucking Arab.
“I’m sorry, we don’t serve time travelers here.”
A time traveler walks into a bar.
I asked a French man if he played videogames
He said "wii"
It’s Almost like They Don’t Actually Mean All Lives Matter
Man with authority walks into a bar…
…and orders everyone a round.
You can rest now…
I believe that it is time for all the world’s countries to come together and create one universal currency
I mean it's just common cents
The ultimate answer..
Dude wtf is even happening over there
What do you call a woodpecker with no beak?
A head banger
My family treats me like a God
They forget that I exist unless they want something
I overheard a man in the changing room
I was in the changing room at my local gym yesterday when a phone rings. The guy next to me answers it while he was getting dry so he puts it on loudspeaker. I instantly thought, "What a smug bastard!" MAN: "Hello" WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the gym?" MAN: "Yes" WOMAN: "I am at the Metrocentre now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only £1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?" MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much." WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2018 models. I saw one I really liked." MAN: "How much?" WOMAN: "£90,000" MAN: "Ok but for that price I want it with all the options." WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking £950,000". MAN: "Well, then go ahead but come in at £900,000. They will probably take it but if not, we'll have to do £950,000." WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!" MAN: "Bye! I love you, too." The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape…..He smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this fuckin phone belongs to?"
When I was a kid, I told my mother I wanted to be a drummer in a rock and roll band when I grew up and she said…
"Well honey, you can't do both."
Calling all good Christians!
What’s the difference between a fish, guitar, and a pot of glue?
“You can tune a guitar but you can’t tune a fish” “What about the pot of glue” “I knew you’d get stuck on that”
HAHA got this generation good boomers!
What’s hitlers second name?
I got the words, “jacuzzi” and “yakuza” confused…
Now I’m in hot water with the Japanese mafia…
What does a pregnant teenager and her baby have in common?
They're both thinking "Oh crap, mom is gonna kill me."
The greatest teacher, failure is.
Everyone deserves a voice in their government …
My mom dad are not at home
Somethings Not Right… Its’s A Whole Conspiracy
A real question from my test
Did you hear about Santa grounding Rudolph this year for getting a D in class?
Yep, he went down in History
Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident
When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they’re all priests and immediately says "If any of you are paedophile, there’s no point waiting here. Just fuck off straight to hell!" Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!"
Going to need to visit the emergency room after that burn.
Funniest video of the year 🤣🤣🤣🥇🥇🥇
See that? Thats my step ladder.
I never knew my real ladder.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?
GLOVES! Nah, just kidding… He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
Well that sucks.
What’s the main use of leather in the world?
Holding cows together
New attack on RSA found! Click here for more info!
A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.
The cop asks the woman, “Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?” She replies, “Well, there’s a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers.” The cop asks, “So what did you do about it?” The old lady says, “I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!” “That seems fair enough,” the cop says, “so what’s in the other sack?” The old lady replies with, “Not everyone pays…”
A photon checks into a hotel.
The bellhop asks: "Hello, can i help with your luggage?" "Oh thanks, no need, i am travelling light."
What did the scarf say to the hat?
I'll hang around here. You go on ahead.
What a clown show