S**tpost
Tetris is a good game
In fact, you could even say it was a blockbuster
I went to a gender reveal party.
It wasn't quite what I thought it would be. My host told me to put my pants back on and get the hell out of there.
When llamas took over the world
the result was alpacalyptic
So someone gave me a used glove and new one….
So I got one second hand and one first hand.
Sorry this isn’t really a joke but I wanted to say thanks
I just wanted to thank everyone here. My mom has been in the hospital with the virus and being able to send her jokes from here has made her laugh (we both really like puns!) so I just wanted to thank y’all for the fun jokes you post. I know it doesn’t seem like much but it has been very nice to be able to share them with her!
Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on all of their ships?
So when they come back to port, they can scandanavian
I knew an autistic baker who could make a loaf of bread in any shape.
He had special kneads.
When does a joke become a Dad joke?
When it becomes fully groan.
Im trying to explain my sexuality to my dad.
Me : "Okay, so I would identify as a bisexual." Dad : "And that means you would have a male partner." Me : "Yeah." Dad : "Or a female partner." Me : "Yeah." Dad : "So… That means if you don't find a partner, you're on standbi?" ME : ME : ME : ME : "Son of a b…"
Why do people in Athens hate getting up early?
Because Dawn is tough on Greece.
What do you call a Mexican midget?
A paragraph. He’s not quite a full essay
This Scottish bloke goes on a skiing holiday to Canada. After a hard day on the slopes, he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain. After about five or six whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal with antlers on the wall…
He asks the bartender, "What the fuck is that?" The bartender replies, "It's a moose." The Scottish chap shouts back, "Fuck me! How big are the cats?"
A guy could not find his wife at the mall. He approaches the hottest woman he could find.
"Excuse me miss, I can't find my wife. Can I to talk to you?" He asked her. She said "Sure, but how is that going to help finding your wife?" I said "Trust me, as soon as we start talking, she will appear out of nowhere".
It is a very clear sign that the hive mind found something it doesn’t like.
It is a very clear sign that the hive mind found something it doesn’t like.
I’ve been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants.
Feefiphobia.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.
The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage.
The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity.
Why don’t cannibals like ramen
They prefer cooked men
I’m reading a horror story in Braille
Something bad is gonna happen, I can feel it
The Furniture store kept calling me.
All I wanted was one night stand.
Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they’re good at it.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
I trapped a couple of vegans in my basement.
Well, at least I think they're vegans. They keep shouting : "Lettuce Leaf!"
Justice is best served cold
Because if it was served warm, it would be just water
My sister bet me $15 that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti
You should have seen the look on her face as I drove pasta
![[NSFW] Posted by an actual boomer on my facebook](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/mzradmnz4j441-400x325.jpg)
My wife is a body builder
She's pregnant
Real dad joke story time.
I was in a medieval literature class in college and the professor asked the class, "what can we tell about courtly love." To which I respond, "well, she wasn't much help to Kurt Cobain." No one laughed while I beamed with pride at my joke.
How do your pets stop the show you’re watching?
They use paws!
I for one…
Love Roman numerals
Why can’t dyslexic people tell jokes?
They always punch up the fuck line.
9/11 Jokes aren’t funny.
But the other 2 are.
When is a door not a door?
When it's ajar
I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes.
It’s all about raisin awareness.
How do you measure how heavy a chili pepper is?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.
A recent study has found that beer contains female hormones.
A test group of 100 male volunteers each consumed six pints of beer, and the effect was that they all talked endlessly about nothing and couldn't drive for shit.