Stupid is in the white hse NOW..!!!
May he roast in piss.
She's not nosey, just terrible at parking!
A time traveler walks into a bar.
Two men are trying to get in a quick eighteen holes, but there two women golfers in front of them who are taking quite a long time to play each hole.
The first guy says, "Why don't you go over and ask if we can play through?" The second guy gets about halfway there, turns and comes back. The first guy says, "What's wrong?" The second guy says, "One of them is my wife, and the other is my mistress." The first guy says, "That could be a problem. I'll go over." He gets about halfway there and he turns and comes back, too. The second guy says, "What's wrong?" The first guy says, "Small world!"
And I told him "No it doesn't"
Including my name, address and phone number.
Because then we’d have corona with Lyme
But did he listen?
Woman: And a damn good one. I don’t have any sons.
I dont know why it wasn't cremated with the rest of him?
I said, “We haven’t even started. How lazy are you?”
Arya went west, Jon went north, Drogon went east, and the show went south.
Between you and me, something smells.
"When Trump passes by, we all swear, spit, and throw rotten fruit on him" The Russian: "When Putin passes by, we all piss on him" The American: "I exaggerated a little – we swear whispering, spit aside, and while throwing, we don't hit". The Russian: "And I exaggerated too – when we piss, we don't take off our pants".
He said, “Repeat infractions?” I said, “Okay, 3/5 of my parking tickets are bogus!”
Man she really wanted a daughter.
Let her RIP.
i’ve never had beef with any of them
You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!
It's something I can see myself doing.
I'm going to put my glasses on
Because they cantaloupe. Courtesy of me sick and loopy at the grocery store.
There’s no home page
One's a British WASP, the other is a USB.
WHAT?! I CANT HEAR YOU!
He quiets the audience by raising his hand and then begins to speak… "Uno…" "Dos…" And then he vanished without a Tres.
The correct term is "Turd World Countries".
Knock-Knock "who's there?" Interrupting Snail. "Interrupting snail wh-" SNAIL.
Which is lucky, because all my sex is made up
Because he kept hanging out with dumbbells.
So i stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back
A man is sitting next to a woman who is trying to breast feed her baby on the bus. The baby refuses to eat and the mother warns, "If you don't eat I'll give it to the man next to me." The baby refuses. After 20 mins the mother repeats the threat. The man clears his throat and says, "Hey woman, you better make up your mind. I was supposed to get off the bus 6 stops ago!"
"Whatever means necessary," she replied. "No it doesn't," I said.
He died. It was a clean kill.