Because its cheaper
But it just kept ringing.
One is a crusty bus station The other is a busty crustacean
The CEO of a hardware company calls in his top ad man and tells him, “We need a new TV spot for our B&Q Nails line.”
A week later, the ad man comes back with a videotape and pops it into the VCR in the CEO's office. The commercial starts and the CEO sees Jesus being nailed to the cross while a voice over says, "B&Q nails: they get the job done." The CEO is irritated and says, "That is completely unacceptable! We are NOT using that!" A week passes, and the ad man returns with another tape. The new tape shows Jesus hanging on the cross in the background, and in the foreground a centurion turns to the camera and says, "B&Q nails: they hold anything!" The CEO is furious and yells, "JESUS IS NOT GETTING NAILED TO THE CROSS WITH B&Q NAILS, PERIOD!" Another week goes by, and the ad man comes back with a third tape. This time Jesus sprints down the street with a group of centurions in pursuit. As he passes the camera one of the centurions turns and says, "We should have used B&Q nails!"
Adam was talking to his friend at a bar. He said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stuck." His friend said, "I have an idea! Why don't you make up a certificate saying that she can have 60 minutes of great sex, anyway she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled." So Adam decided to listen to his friend's advice. The next day at the bar, his friend said, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?" "Yes, I did," Adam replied. "Did she like it?" "Oh yes! She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead, and ran out the door, yelling, "I'll be back in an hour!"
Luckily for me, catscan
It was a little condescending
Except that Chinese kid in the back. He got it.
A police officer says to a couple: “I’m sorry to tell you this, but your son set the school on fire”.
They ask "Arson?", and the officer answers "Yes, your son".
Origami Bank has folded. Sumo Bank has gone belly up. Bonsai Bank has had to cut back some of its branches. Karaoke Bank has been put up for sale and is going for a song. There's something fishy going on at Sushi Bank…shareholders are afraid they might get a raw deal. Kamikaze Bank shares have nose-dived. 500 jobs at Karate Bank have been chopped.
Because nobody has any beef over there.
She got sick of me.
It was an unpleasant asscent.
He misses you.
Sometimes he laughs … :/
When it becomes apparent.
Girl 1 turned to her mother and said… Girl 1: Mommy, why is my name Lily? Mom: Because when we took you out of the Hospital, a Lily petal fell on your head. The second Daughter, now curious, asks the same question… Girl 2: Why is my name Rose? Mom: When we took you out of the Hospital, a rose petal landed onto your head This is when the 3rd daughter pipes up and says… Girl 3: AAAARRRGHFFFFJJJFSSSLLLHHH Mom: Shhhhhhh, quiet down now Cinder Block
nothing….. they were just hanging….
I watch it online, because I can’t afford it.
…and stumbles to the bartender. “Barkeep, Oi’ll have a point”, he slurs. The bartender looks him over critically. “A pint? Sorry sir, but I can’t serve you. You’re clearly too drunk.” The Irish man scrunches his eyebrows, peers at the barkeep, turns around and trips out the front door. 5 minutes later, the Irish Man stumbles in again, this time through the side door. “Barkeep! ‘Ow are ye dis foine evenin’? Oi’ll have a point, if ye will”, he says to the bartender with a smile. “None of that charm will do you any good, sir. Off you go now. Come back when you’re more sober.” “Bah! Foine, foine”, the Irish Man replies, turning around and knocking over a stool before stumbling out the side door. Another five minutes pass, and the Irish Man once again saunters in, this time through the back door. “Barkeep! Oi’ll have a drink, and make er a double!” Having lost his patience, the bartender finally yells “Sir! I will not be serving you any alcohol, and if I see you again tonight, I’ll never serve you another drink!” The Irish man wobbles slightly before squinting his eyes in confusion. “Alright, Alright, Oi’ll be on me way. But before Oi go, Oi’ve one question for ya”, he says, leaning in, “How many fookin’ bars do ye work at anyway?”
Wife- I’m pregnant Husband- Hi pregnant, I’m dad Wife- No, you’re not
They both wiggle when you eat them.
Mr. Bigger's baby because he's a little bigger.
Dad: "that would be just like you".
"You have perfect eyesight."
I thought to myself… “This sub has gone downhill”.
Because all the Cheetahs are too easy to spot, and there are others who will end up Lion to you.
I went to an auction today where they were selling a cheese grater once owned by both Hitler and Osama Bin Laden.
It was the grater of two evils.