SUBTITLES 100
One Jamaican walks up to another Jamaican in the park.
'Aright man, nice puppy ya gat there,' said the first Jamaican. 'What's it breed?' The second Jamaican replied, 'Dis ting breed air like all da other puppies, man.'
What do you call a hippie’s wife?
Mississippi.
I’m an American, and I’m sick of people saying, “America is the stupidest country in the world.”
Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.
Why did donald trump throw the sick eagle out of USA?
Because it was an illeagle.
It is interesting to realise that the Indian Gods are also called Devs
/r/teenagers/comments/f2yg7u/it_is_interesting_to_realise_that_the_indian_gods/
She got fired from the hot dog stand…
… for putting her hair in a bun.
[repost] Apparently Neil Armstrong used to tell unfunny jokes about the Moon…
Apparently Neil Armstrong used to tell unfunny jokes about the Moon, and follow them up with "Ah, I guess you had to be there." https://twitter.com/draxar/status/239766758842568704 [Total report, but topical today]
A friend said she did not understand cloning…
I told her that makes two of us…
What do dentists call their x-rays?
Tooth pics.
What is a pirate’s average grade ?
Somewhere in the high c's.
If getting married is supposed to be forever…
…does that mean there's a wifetime guarantee?
I just found an origami porn channel
but it's paper view.
How many police officers does it take to change a light bulb?
None they just beat the room for being black
If I had 5 dollars in one pocket and 5 dollars in the other what do I have?
Someone else's pants on. My grandfathers favorite joke.
Footage of trump preparing for rally
https://ift.tt/3dmaDqK
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
Why shouldn’t you kiss someone on January 1st?
It’s only the first date.
During my boxing career, I was the 2nd best boxer in my country.
I fought in over 100 fights, and came 2nd every single time.
What do you do with an English prostitute
You give her a pound, then you give her a pound
If you remember the OG Morbius DS, well introducing an even worst spin-off Madame Web on the Wii
If you remember the OG Morbius DS, well introducing an even worst spin-off Madame Web on the Wii
Why is 1 = 0
cos 0 = 1
I saw an amateur ventriloquist the other night.
The performance was a little wooden.
NSFW In honor of my Father, his favorite joke of all time. No one could tell it like he did.
Christmas was coming and Little Johnny’s Mom and Dad took him to the mall to a see Santa Claus. Johnny walked up and sat on Santa’s lap and said “Santa, for Christmas I want a god damn new baseball bat and I want it to be put under my god damn bed. I want a god damn new baseball glove, and I want it put under the god damn Christmas tree. And Santa, I want a god damn new bike and I want it put under a god damn tarp in the god damn shed.” Santa, in complete shock, pulled Little Johnny’s parents aside and said “In all my years, I have never seen a little boy with such a foul mouth.” His parents replied “We know, but we have no idea what to do about his behavior. We’ve tried everything.” Santa thought about it and said “Here’s what we’ll do to teach him a lesson, every place that Johnny asked for a present, we’ll put a pile of dog poop.” The parents agreed to try Santa’s plan. On Christmas morning, Little Johnny woke up and immediately looked under his bed. Seeing the pile of poop, he ran downstairs to the Christmas tree and checked underneath. Finding another pile of poop under the tree, he ran out the door and threw open the shed door. Finding a tarp in the shed, he quickly pulled back the tarp and found yet another pile of poop. Johnny walked out of the shed and started looking all around the yard. After a while his parents asked him sarcastically “So Little Johnny, what did you get for Christmas?” Without missing a beat, Johnny looked at his parents and said “I think I got a god damned dog, but I can’t find the motherfucker!”
I bought a dog from a Blacksmith the other day…
I only had him 3 hours and he made a bolt for the door.
I tripped in France
Eiffel over
Do you know where the first bovine astronauts landed?
The mooooooooon
So many people these days are too judgemental.
I can tell just by looking at them.
I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it
It's true I saw it with my own eyes
A spider crawled under my keyboard a few minutes ago.
Good news: I’ve got it under Ctrl.
Who will take the second shot of this billiards game?
Find out after the break!
How do you call someone who overuses CAPITAL LETTERS?
Capitalist My sincere apologies in advance 😉