Such overkill it hurts
Don’t worry, no one got hurt.
I made a computer program read 100 jokes from this subreddit, then made it tell a joke based on those. Here’s what it said.
Why did you make me read the same thing 100 times?
Life before that is a blur.
… it's like "Continuing" another dude's "Save File".
He became a maid, he was already accustomed to performing light house work.
Police: He's been trained to only react to the smell of drugs. Me: sigh Yeah… my dog has a real problem.
19 and easily spread.
and sometimes Mayo neighs.
Some asshole must have my pen.
His pants fit like a glove.
[Just some context] Like my father, I sneeze loudly. I sneeze so loudly in fact, while walking my dog this morning, my wife heard me sneeze from 200m away, in our apartment. When I got home my wife greeted me, "Hello, Sneezer." I replied, devastated, "Et tu Brute?"
It depends on which direction the wind is blowing.
She must be homeless.
Orange is the new black.
"Dont worry" said the docter,"Those are just contractions"
He can’t keep the lilies alive.
The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day." The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids' screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up. The C.E.O says "I'll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This'll be a breeze" so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up. The janitor says "I'll be an artist" so he is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for a billion dollars. The fairy asks the janitor how he was so clever. The janitor says "I got a masters degree in art."
But then it grew on me
A loud knocking on the door wakes a man and his wife in the middle of a stormy night. The man opens the door to a stranger, who asks him for a push. "No way!" says the husband, slamming the door shut in the stranger's face. "Who was that?" calls his wife. "Just some drunk asking for a push", he answers, "it's 3 am and pouring heavily out there!" " You should be ashamed", his wife replies, "don't you remember that time when we broke down and those two guys helped us out? You should go and help him." Sighing, the man pulls on his coat and heads out into the pouring rain. "Hello? " He calls out in the dark. "Do you still need a push?" "Yes, please", comes the reply. "Where are you?" the husband calls out. "Over here", the drunk replies, "On the swing".
Their number one answer was, “HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET IN HERE?!”
Another great thing ruined by a period.
and lowers it
Gay. Definitely at least a little gay.
It's best to just pick them up.
Sorry, bad punctuation. I'm giving up. Masturbating for an entire month.
Me: "I invented a new car. It's powered by silence!" My friend: "Wow, this is going to revolutionize the industry!" Me: "Yeah, it goes without saying."
Totally nailed it.