Sums up almost all programmers on Instagram
Still Works though…
Book = UFO
math bad Jesus good
3 Stooges vs 1 flat screen TV:
what’s your previous
Today on “the millennials killed…”
This is NOT the year, man.
I went to the shop the other day to buy six cans of Sprite.
An Interesting Title
“Are we really happy together, or just too tired fight any longer?”
Never going drinking with Train drivers again……
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug’
Why do white girls always travel in odd numbers?
Because they "Literally. Can't. Even."
How are dad jokes and anti-vaccine kids similar?
They both never get old.
Found on me_irl
I saw this one memes and figured it belonged here
What did Helen Keller say when she put down the cheese grater?
That was the most violent book I've ever read.
IRL Example of Frontend VS Backend from Brickcon Seattle
What do you call a bulletproof Irishman?
Elect a clown, expect a circus
Today’s Republicans are Traitors. Straight up.
We can’t say whomever runs the simulation didn’t try to warn us
Y’all got anymore of those white states?
He Sweats Fear…
Yeahh, we don’t count distilled water
Our friend Chuck hasn’t contacted us for months, so we renamed him Huck.
Because long time no C.
I’m shaking already.
It ain’t over till the fat lady sings
Who is this Rorschach guy
And why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting
When you are too afraid of COVID19 to go outside
Science is way better.
What’s the last thing that you remember?
Police are like a box of chocolates
They'll kill your dog
It’s easy to convince ladies not to eat Tide Pods
But its harder to deter gents
What’s Jesus’s favourite hobby
A dad story. If you read till the end of this one, I promise you’ll hate it.
Have I ever told you about the time I nearly died in a plane crash? Well… One dark and stormy night, our cargo plane was loaded with supermarket goods. But we were in trouble! A freak storm had showed up, and our plane was struggling against the hurricane-force winds. After a terrifying hour of this, we lost navigational controls. The pilot had descended to 10,000 feet, and was attempting to search for a safe place to make an emergency landing. But the plane was no match for the fury of the storm. The aircraft was tossed to and fro and the wind threatened to crumple it like a ball of foil. Our fuel was now nearly gone, and the engines were sputtering. As far as we could tell, we were now over some large city. But that was no consolation to us, as we were hurtling to our certain deaths. The captain announced over the comms that everyone should prepare for the worst… The morale of the crewmembers had now drastically fallen. Some of us lay crying in a corner, others had passed out from sheer fear or dread, and still others screamed out desperate prayers in their despair. Everyone, even the captain, had lost hope. Everyone, that is, except for the cargo bay janitor, Steve. Steve just stood there amidst the chaos, rolling with the punches of the relentless wind. As I lay there with my crewmembers, Steve somehow remained standing, and not far off, seemingly without a care in the world. Suddenly, the wind tore a hole in the cargo bay, and four pallets of frozen meat exploded out of it, scattering over the city below. I looked on in horror, imagining the huge slabs of meat destroying rooftops, or smashing pets, children, and vehicles. Steve just watched it all with a smirk. I looked at him, and he, noticing my gaze, turned back with that same wry grin and said: . . . . . . . . . . . . "Now that's what I call a… . . Wait for it… . . . . . . meatier shower."
The husband and his young wife were not on good terms. In fact the wife was convinced that he was carrying on with the pretty housemaid, so she laid a trap.
One evening she suddenly sent the maid home for the weekend and didn’t inform the husband. That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story, ”Excuse me my dear……..my stomach,” and disappeared towards the bathroom. The wife promptly dashed along the corridor, up the back stairs and into the maid’s bed. She just had time to switch the lights off when in he came in silently………. He wasted no time or words but quickly took out his dick, got on top of her and fucked her like there was no tomorrow. When he finished and while he was still panting, the wife said, "You didn’t fcuking expect to find me in this bed did you!!” and switched on the light. “No madam”, said the gardener.
Recursion is love
I asked my friend what an acorn was
He replied, "it's basically a small oak tree, in a nutshell."
It Is Programmer 😂😂😂
My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing.
We went out, had a few drinks. Nice guy, wants to be a web designer.
My aunt shared this on Facebook. Yikes
My earliest clear childhood memory is going with my parents to the eye doctor.
Life before that is a blur.
Google’s persistence is admirable
Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole.
I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada. Edit: Sorry.
These keep getting better and better
Knock em down boys
Starting your own garden is easy, but picking all of the vegetables?
That's the harvest part.
Haha ..just saying
Funny but sad they dont have a mom
This meme is advanced
The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney. The auditor said, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable." "I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Grandpa. "How about a demonstration?" The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead." Grandpa says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye." The auditor thinks a moment and says, "It's a bet." Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops. Grandpa says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye." Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous. "Want to go double or nothing?" Grandpa asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between." The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he ends up urinating all over the auditor's desk. The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands. "Are you okay?" the auditor asks. "Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!"
I like my women how I like my Coronavirus
19 and easy to spread
My first time using an elevator was an uplifting experience
The second time let me down
If only I was fearless
I opened a pistachio shell, and there was nothing inside.
Even Mother Nature is participating in No Nut November.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging few years ago.
Since then, my mugging attempts have been a lot more successful.
We all must make sacrifices for the comfort of the wealthiest
[Long] Two men are walking across a field, when they come across a very large hole in the ground. So large that they can’t see the bottom of this hole. “I wonder how deep it is.”, the first man says. The second man pulls out a coin, and flips it into hole. They wait and listen….
….nothing. "Wow!", they both exclaim. "Let's try something else.", says one man to the other. They spot a large rock nearby, and with a struggle, they get the rock to the hole. They roll it in, wait and listen….still nothing. " My goodness! How deep this hole must be!", says one man. " Let's try that huge log over there.", says the other. Again, with a struggle, they haul this huge log to the hole, and roll it in. As they wait and listen, and seemingly out of nowhere, a goat runs up and jumps in the hole. As they both look at each other in shock, they hear a tractor coming across the field. Shortly, a farmer arrives, and asks, " Either of you boys seen my goat?". "Yeah!", they both exclaim. "One just came by and jumped in this hole!" The farmer sits back and tells them," No, no. Couldn't have been my goat. My goat was chained to a huge log."
Rick & al. (2020)
And they still call themselves “the true patriots”
A friend said she did not understand cloning…
I told her that makes two of us…
Life is like a dick
Some times its up, sometimes its down, but it wont be hard forever. Too bad life is short.
On our Slack this morning. Too true…
AnD tHEy prObaBly gEt a ParTIcIPatioN TroPhY
Ad in the wrong place