Sums up dank memes at this point a Mildly funny pic if it was on its own with a dead format
One day, someone asked Fred where to find the medical building. Fred replied, "Its over there and to the left. I do brain research in there." Fred is an expert on the hippocampus.
It's more difficult to deter gents though
The doctor tells him he will give him a dick transplant. He loses his 3-foot-long dick for a 4-inch-long dick. He comes back in a week and says, "Now my wife wont have sex with me. May I have the old one back?" The doctor replies… "A d-d-d-deal's a d-d-d-deal."
I know, it sounds a little far fetched.
I said selling fruit and vegetables is grocer
He said I had hair like an emo. He wasn’t too happy when I said he had hair like a chemo.
In light of the multiple recent crashes of its airplanes, Boeing announced a revolutionary new aircraft design made out of rubber…
Now, it won't crash, it'll just go, "Boeing Boeing Boeing!"
We were watching a documentary on African wildlife, and my son asked me, “Is it difficult to spot cheetahs?”
Me: No, I think they come that way.
I thought that was a really odd way to start a conversation with me.
I told her we use names now.
There, they’re, their.
Nothing dentured, nothing gained!
While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer cooler. One nun said to the other, "Wouldn't a nice cool beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?" The second nun answered "Indeed it would Sister, but I wouldn't feel comfortable buying beer as I am certain that it would cause a scene at the checkout counter." "I can handle that without a problem" she replied as she picked up a six pack and headed for the checkout. The cashier had a surprised look on his face when the two nuns arrived with a six pack of beer. "We use beer for washing our hair" the nun said, "A shampoo, of sorts, if you will." Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter, pulled out a package of pretzel sticks and placed them in the bag with the beer. He then looked the nun straight in the eye, smiled and said "The curlers are on the house."
While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.
Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?" As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with cleavage to die for… "I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look. She said, "Get in and I'll take you home, so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head." "That's nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!" "Oh, come now, I'm a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly." Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this." We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now." "Don't be silly!" she said with a smile. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?" "Still in the ditch, I guess!"
She really has the worst stutter ever.
"We need more lemon pledge"
I just think it's surprising how mαny people bring a knife on a dαte.
Because you can’t see in the dark. Courtesy of my 14 year old this evening.
Seemed like a good idea at the time but i've never driven a bus before…
Because it's a contact sport.
I found out that 100% of people in the tent were mad when it collapsed.
Not really. Maybe once in a blue moon.
I've had it up to ear with him.
It only feels like a maternity
I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn’t walk for nearly a year. So check your facts.
…but backwards, it’s even more stupid…
So he goes online to find someone to fix his fence for him but he is unsatisfied with their prices, that is until he finds a Buddhist monk who will do it for free. He is initially surprised by this and assumes it might be a fake listing, but since it's free he feels like he has nothing to lose so he hires him. Sure enough a few days later the monk shows up with a toolkit in hand, the man shows the monk that his fence has been ripped out of the ground and that he needs to replace it. About an hour later the monk walks in and tells the man he is finished, and when the man goes outside he sees that the fence is perfect, thinking he can't just tell the monk to leave after doing such a great job for free he invites the monk inside for a cup of coffee. The man then starts talking to the monk, "It surprised me to see a monk offering services for fence repair, why do you do it?" he asked. The monk replied "religious reasons." The man then says "I don't know much about Buddhism, but why do you need to repair fences?" "Because" the monk replied, "You would be surprised at the amount of karma you get for reposting."
I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.