It's your count who votes!
They're always crossing the line.
It’s surprisingly very handy.
“Well son…you see that man with no arms sitting over there? Tell him to clap.” “Mom! I’m blind.” “Exactly.”
Daughter: Dad, are you smart? Me: Yes. Daughter: Spell it. Me: S-M-A-R-T Daughter: You said you’re smart but you can’t even spell the word “it.” She got me good.
Her: Oh, cool! It's.. uh? Me: (proudly) It's my thermos! From work! Her: (reaching towards me) Well, uh, the line work is certainly.. Me: (slaps hand away) Don't touch the thermos tat.
All the walls are load-bearing.
Self raising flour
What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath? Throw in your laundry. The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit." We both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said, "he choked on a sock."
If they pulled up both legs they would fall over.
At least that's what I told him when he saw it.
Now it's aware wolf
The winner of the no Belle prize.
I have serious emotional attachment issues.
But it’s growing on me.
Number one, and number two
Decaffeinated coffee, you racist.
He told me to give her a handjob.
This Post has a Score of 148
They felt hungry after a long day so they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat them. The owner frustratedly marched over and told them, “listen, you're not allowed to eat your own sandwiches in here!” The lawyers looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.
American: Have you seen the Titanic? Canadian: What's that about? American: Yes it was. A huge one that sank.
Seemed like a good investment to me so | gladly handed over a dollar. Homeless man: “There is black rooster alright? How many legs does that chicken have?" Me: “Two?” Homeless man: “Right, now how many wings this black rooster got?” Me: “Two?” Homeless man: “Right, now how many eyes this black rooster got?” Me: “Two?” Homeless man: “Right again, now there is this white cat walking around how many hairs are on that white cat?" Me: “I don't know? A lot?” Homeless man: “Well, why do you know so much about black cock and not enough about white pussy?”
My girlfriend insists that it says 'dyslexia' but what does she know.
Lovely man, lousy cabinet maker though.
What a liar! I opened the fridge and it's working just fine.
Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese mafia.
He had an iron deficiency
And only a handful of Herpes cases was Clinton's
Turns out two heads are better than one.
They just, like, literally can't even
I asked him: "I bet i could guess your favourite holiday" He Replied: "Have to love Easter, baby."
I haven’t heard from him since
Bond. James bond.
Turns out he wasn’t born yesterday.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns
It’s the Wurst Käse scenario.
The wedding wasn't that good but the reception-amazing
but I'm clean now.