Just add a G and it’s gone
When do we want them? NNNNNNEEEEEEOOOOOOOWWWWWW!
Cos when 1 person sneezes a 100 people shit themselves.
The straight tree was always making fun of the gay tree. One evening a storm comes along and lightning hits the straight tree and it shatters into hundreds of pieces. The gay tree bust out laughing and says "look who's a faggot now"
She said, "It's not a mask. It's a coughy filter."
You make a flowchart
Don’t know if this is a scam but I just received a text saying I’d won $250 cash or 2 tickets to an Elvis tribute night.
It says press 1 for the money or 2 for the show.
But when I got home, all the signs were there
One night a viking named Rudolph The Red was looking out the window when he suddenly said "It's going to rain". His wife was confused and asked him "How do you know?" He looked at her and responded "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear." Edit: Oooh my first Silver, thank you very much whoever you are!
So I walked into a weight loss clinic once and spilled an entire box of milk duds all over the floor…
It was the best game of hungry hungry hippos that I had ever seen!
A horse walks into a bar, at which point the bartender asks if he’s an alcoholic given all the bars he frequents.
“I don’t think I am.” the horse replies. poof The horse disappears. This is the moment where those who are into philosophy start to grin as they’re familiar with the philosophical proposition of “Cogito Ergo Sum”, or “I think, therefore I am”. But to explain that joke beforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.
Because it wasn’t a loan anymore.
I wanted to add definition to my muscles
I told her that I find big tits on babies disturbing.
I don't know what he laced em with, but I've been trippin all day!
I just don't see it myself
They checked the reviews of our solar system and only saw one star
but for me it will always be cake day!
He’s good at saving
He sits down and orders a drink. As the bartender sets it down, he asks, "Going to a party?" "Yeah, a costume party." the man answers. "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life." "But you look like Abe Lincoln!" protests the bartender. "That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago."
To get to the other side.
Wooden engine, wooden doors, wooden wheels, wooden seats, put the wooden key in the wooden ignition. Wooden start.
It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
Two guys are walking down the road with their dogs, one guy has a doberman and the other has a chihuahua, when they come across a restaurant
They want to go in but there's a sign on the door that says "no pets allowed – service dogs only". The guy with the doberman says, "don't worry I got this." He proceeds to put on a dark pair of sunglasses and walks inside. The manager comes up to him and says, "sir, you can't have your dog in here." The man replies, you don't understand, this is my seeing guide dog." Skeptical, the manager asks, "your guide dog is a doberman?" The man replies, "you see, a doberman helps protect me against burglars." The manager lets him through. The chihuahua guy sees this and puts on a pair of dark sunglasses and walks inside. The manager approaches him and says, "sir, you can't bring your dog in here." The man replies, "you don't understand, this is my seeing guide dog." The manager, ever so skeptical, asks, "your guide dog is a chihuahua?" The man, quick to think, says, "a chihuahua? They gave me a chihuahua?!?"
Look, no hands!
On my lap. Turned on. Virus free.
None, it's all tongue-and-groove.
People in Dubai don't like the Flinstones but people in Abu Dhabi dooooooooooo!!!!
Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
Ones a heated yam, and the other’s a yeeted ham.
But all the good ones Argon
I smiled and told him I was married, so I have no money or a life. He dropped the knife and we hugged and cried for a moment.