Taken from my grandma’s Facebook
I am opening a new gay club called ‟Garage Sale”
because one man’s junk is another man’s treasure.
R A C I S T S
Today I saw an ad that said “radio for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.”
I thought, "I can't turn that down."
Rand Paul’s neighbor 2022 🙌
Understanding the web in 4 easy steps
Has anyone ever bought winrar
My sister bet me a hundred dollars i couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti
You should've seen the look on her face as I drove pasta!
They should have a follow-up to the G7 summit a week later.
They could call it the the C Major summit. Maybe that would resolve everything.
Wild boomer card spotted
I Don’t Understand Why People Have Been Hating On The Police.
Roxanne is a really good song.
This new diet is working pretty well
I'm at my lowest weight of the year so far
To the guy who invented zero
Thanks for nothing
My mother shared this on Facebook.
Well we obviously can’t trust the word of a corrupt person that someone is corrupt
My wife has this unusual case of OCD where she arranges dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is a very rare dish order.
Chemistry really do be like that
Found on Facebook
Did you know that the first French Fries weren’t cooked in France or America?
They were cooked in Greece.
If you upload 1000 pictures on Instagram..
.. is it like uploading one picture in Instakilogram?
My uncle once had a 24-hour epileptic episode.
Now that's what I call seizing the day.
The evangelicals just got owned
ADS B A D
Now that’s what I call continuous integration
Programmers Comment Level 9000
Tom Scott is one of the best YouTuber out there
Two deers walk out of a gay bar
One turns to the other and says “Man, I can’t believe I blew thirty bucks in there”.
I am the par king
My mom literally just posted this on FB
Easiest to find, hardest to fix
Today I bumped into the guy who had sold me an antique globe.
It’s a small world.
Two young brothers decide its time they start cussing….
Two young brothers decide its time they start cussing. So one night the elder makes a plan, "this morning at breakfast, I'll say damn and you say fuck" the younger agrees and they go to bed eager for the next morning. Breakfast time comes and their mother ask what they'd like to eat. The older brother says "I'd like some damn cheerios!" The mother slaps him so hard he's knocked out of his seat. She turns to the younger and says "well what about you?" He says "well I'm sure as fuck not asking for cheerios."
Not me. It’s you
What do you call a crossword puzzle that only has bad words in it?
A cross word puzzle.
Current x Voltage
TIL weather.com has a Kelvin option
What’s going on
How come the Hulk doesn’t lose his pants when he transforms?
The scientific experiments altered his jeans
A husband and wife are doing a crossword puzzle.
Husband: Programs for mobile devices. 4 letters Wife: Apps Husband: Adolescent, 4 letters Wife: Teen Husband: Contraction meaning failed to perform, 5 letters Wife: Didn't Husband: Take a life, 4 letters Wife: Kill Husband: Religious songs, 5 letters Wife: Hymns Husband: Santa's little helper, 3 letters Wife: Elf
What does a robot do after sex
Nuts and bolts
Just so everybody’s clear,
I'm going to put my glasses on.
Legacy code comments
Why are librarians so fast?
Because they know how to book it.
A blind woman told me I had a big dick
She was just pulling my leg.
Isn’t it weird when sometimes you’re thinking about someone and then they suddenly appear?
Anyway, my dad just caught me masturbating
What does a janitor and a car have in common
They both go broom broom
High high knowledge meme..maybe normie, but so is inorganic
My ex just sneezed and I accidentally said “bless you”
Now she just staring at the bushes confused wondering who said that.
Implementing multiple authentication strategies.
Schiff’s closing remarks be like
Why is 6 afraid of 7? (the answer is not what you’re thinking)
Not what you're thinking
I wanted to become a doctor…
But, I just didn't have the patients…
Every naked person I see turns me on
Said the shower head.
The creator of winrar is arrested
His trial is expected to last forever
My son asked me “Dad, what are condoms used for?”
Me: Usually to avoid answering questions like these.
A guy came up to me and said, “Man your clothes are so gay”
I said, “I know, they came out of the closet this morning”
What kind of music does a balloon liseten to?
Pop! Also this is my first joke, so sorry if someone has made it before but I haven't seen it yet
To be frank…
i'd have to change my name
What are goosebumps for?
To slow geese down.
I served a hipster a pizza but he burned his mouth.
He ate it before it was cool. 🤦🏻♂️
Sherlock Bonespurs cracks another case
As i suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden
The plot thickens