Tattoo = bad
Problem solving chart
[Laughs in Socialist]
Used to be cool….
Why did the hipster fall in the lake?
He went ice skating before it was cool.
He want to be a Father of programming!!
My Anesthesiologist said that if I didn’t want knockout gas he could hit me in the head with a paddle.
He wouldn't do both. It was ether/oar.
We’re all destined to be sad and exhausted
Found in my AP US Government textbook
14 fingers, 14 toes!
2 on 3 in a list is decent
Getting my hopes up
Does my Thai girlfriend have a penis?
Something inside me says yes
Are you today’s date?
Because you are 10/10
My girlfriend walked out on me for being too old fashioned…
I thought we had good alchemy…
My father sent me this and I dont even know what to say
In case of fire
My neighbor walked past with two dogs and I said, “I didn’t know you had dogs.” He replied, “They’re not my dogs, they’re my sisters.”
I exclaimed, "Wow, your sisters are really ugly!"
“What are u guys doing?”
My uncle once had a 24-hour epileptic episode.
Now that's what I call seizing the day.
My son asked me where pooh came from. I was a little uncomfortable but gave him an honest explanation.
A little perplexed he stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds and then asked, “and tigger?”
Cider where are you?
Vectors are more than lines with both direction and magnitude
I only serve the reaction
What about the waiting times?
I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says.
Which makes me an eighth theist.
My mom sent me this one and unironically said it might as well be true nowadays…
Bruh they asked me that too
Was playing red dead 2 and found this on a frozen lake.
In a van down by the river?
There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.
Only a fraction of people will find this funny.
Job Interview: “What is your greatest weakness”
"Honesty" "I don't think honesty is a weakness." "I don't give a fuck what you think."
I’ve always wanted one of these on my car
No text found
Never start a pillow fight with Death…
…unless you're sure you can handle the Reaper cushions.
When you have to work with code that you wrote a long time ago
Found the digital version of the comic that’s in my teachers room.
Shhh no one tell them that Trump will be immediately indicted
My daughter is dropping some weird hints
What do you call a wizard who walks everywhere on bare feet, has poor bone density and really bad breath?
A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
My wife thinks I don’t give her enough privacy…
At least, that’s what she said in her diary
He showed up
Hi, I’m Buzz Aldrin. Second person to step on the moon.
Neil before me.
But her emails
PHP in 2020
What is the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts?
Beer nuts cost 2.50 deer nuts are just under a buck.
Trump supporters never cease to amaze me
Not All Boomers Are The Same
A married man goes into a confessional and says to his priest..
"I had an affair with a woman… almost." The priest says, "What do you mean, almost?" The man says, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped." The priest says, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say 5 Hail Marys and put $50 in the poor box." The man leaves the confessional, says his prayers, then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment and then starts to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly runs over to him saying, "I saw that, you didn't put any money in the poor box!" The man replies, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and apparently that's the same as putting it in."
Almost every boomer comic simplified
Set your wifi password to 2444666668888888
So when someone asks for your wifi password you can say 12345678
If you ever think times are tough, just imagine being a pig.
Two out of three little ones have no household.
I want to dedicate this Dad joke to my father, who is a roofer.
So Dad, if you are up there…
Yea we’re all good then
A doctor says “The good news is it’s all in your head.”
"The bad news is it's brain cancer."
I wonder why there are acutal programmers using notepad
Had us in the first half, ngl
When unarmed citizens ask not to be murdered by the police
Why don’t cannibals like ramen
They prefer cooked men
The world’s in shambles hahaha
What do you call an army of babies?
Did you hear about the ghost that was arrested for inhabiting a bottle of cola?
He was done for possession of coke.