Terrible
My doctor recently wrote me a prescription for daily sex.
My wife seems to think it's for dyslexia.
A cowboy is captured by indians. The chief tells the cowboy they’ll grant 3 requests before they scalp him.
The cowboy thinks a minute then says, " I wish to say goodbye to my horse then to set him free." So they bring him his horse, he whispers in its ear then sets him off into the sunset. He tells the chief he needs to mull over the third request and the chief agrees to wait until sunset. As the sun dips in the sky, here comes the horse back, with a beautiful brunette in the saddle. "Is this your last request?" the chief asks. "Uh, no," says the cowboy. "My last request is to say goodbye to my horse once more." "Ok…" says the chief. The cowboy leans into his horses ear and hisses, "You idiot! I said 'Posse! Posse!"
Why are librarians so fast?
Because they know how to book it.
My grief counsellor died the other day..
But he was so good I didn’t give a shit.
A cowboy, who just moved to Montana from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud.
He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time." The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado. When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss." The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains. “It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking. My brothers haven’t been affected tho."
What’s the difference between USA and USB?
One connects to your devices and accesses your data and the other is a hardware standard.
Why does Oedipus never curse?
He kisses his mother with that mouth.
All you dads out there couldn’t hold a candle to my dad.
He makes gunpowder for a living.
What do you get for spending four years with a bunch of virgins?
A slice of blue cake!!!
My ex divorced me because she said I treated her like a maid.
But even the judge agreed that she should keep the house.
Why did dad get angry when the window was broken?
Because it was a pane to replace.
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A bus full of children
A dad is lying on his deathbed with his son standing over him
Son: I’m really gonna miss you, Dad. The dad, with his dying breath, utters, “Hi Really Gonna Miss You, I’m Dad.” A single tear rolls down the son’s cheek
The best dad jokes are unplanned
My family and I were in the car driving down the road the other day. My 5 year old asked for words that rhymed with blue. “Well, there’s glue, two, moo, snoo, zoo, boo..” My 8 year old chimes in, “Daddy, what’s snoo?” My immediate response? “Not much, what’s new with you?” My journey to the dark side has been complete.
Got fired from the sperm bank yesterday
Apparently you’re not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say “get a load of this guy” every time someone walks in.
Are slugs just snails that have gone through a divorce?
“Yep, she got the house”
![Akira Yoshino, Nobel Prize in Chemistry (2019) [OC]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/uya1yhhoj9s31-400x400.jpg)
There was an old professor who started every class with a vulgar joke.
After one particularly nasty example, the women in the class decided to walk out the next time he started. The professor got wind of this plot, so the next morning he walked in and said, “Good morning, class. Did you hear the one about the shortage of whores in India?” With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door. “Wait, ladies,” cried the professor, “The boat doesn't leave until tomorrow!”
I hate jokes about infinity
They always take forever to say… ha ha?
Reddit has gone fully green to help the environment.
Their front page is made of 100% recycled material.
Nobody’s heard from the Zamboni drivers since the NHL cancelled their season.
I'm sure they'll resurface at some point.
![[image] School time memory](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/pu2p8rrncej41-400x383.png)
What are pornstars paid?
Income.
I found a pen that writes underwater
It writes other words too
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer
I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
You know what a German doctor shouts after a circumcision?
Off wienerskin!
A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says
"Five beers,please."
