Thank the Overlords
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
She's not nosey, just terrible at parking!
We do it in schools, because we have class.
… because at the beginning, the announcer clearly said "Welcome to the 90-second Thanksgiving Day parade!"
Friend: Sweetie, if you're swallowing enough to worry about it, no one will care if you're a little chubby.
The results speak for themselves.
So I drew him a map to my ex-wife’s house.
Yesterday, a beautiful girl asked me if I wanted to watch a movie. She said, “What movie would you like to see?”
I said, “You pick.” She said, “You pick.” I said, “I don’t care. You pick.” She said, “Sir, there are people waiting behind you waiting to buy tickets.”
They checked our reviews. One star.
So I packed my bags and right.
But I think people should romaine calm.
I got 48,500 matches.
It’s always the centre of a tension.
In a cult the main person knows it's all bullshit. In religion that person is dead.
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Guess who came crawling back?
You don't want to press your luck…
When I was in kindergarten, I was so caught up in learning the names of all the numbers that I memorized them out of order.
I couldn't see the fours for the threes.
Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time.
After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area. Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over. The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself. But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top, which he had promised his wife. So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job for him. But, alas, Andy refused. He told the warden, "Gosh, I'd really like to help you but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place."
Because they once had a fight and 71
The neighbour’s dog pooped in our yard, so my wife told me to get the shovel and toss it over their fence.
But that didn't solve anything. Now the neighbours have my shovel and someone still has to pick up the poop in our yard.
5th grader from Alabama, because he's 18 yrs old
Is it now traffic jam
They’re really good carriers
A piece of cake.
A man arrives to the airport with three bags. He walks up to the counter and says, “I have a ticket for Los Angeles. Would you be so kind as to send this bag to San Francisco, this one to Miami, and if at all possible this one to Japan?” The gate agent replies, “Sir, that is flatly impossible!” He counters, “That’s a lie, you did it last time I flew with you guys and I didn’t even ask!”
And only a handful of cases of herpes were Clinton's fault.
XL is bigger than L