That comment! The only comment in the screenshot! *emojis*
A person who doesn't believe in dog.
… a wrecked angle.
…but back in 1912, Hellmann’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost. The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day. The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.
The second ones is a repost like this joke
I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women
Now I’ve just got beer…
I said, I don't hate your relatives, in fact, I like your mother in law a lot more than I like mine
Some of my friends have been making very hurtful remarks about my choosing to wear mittens rather than gloves…
…but I don't like to point fingers…
What a shit way to start a game of Scrabble.
It was oddly sharp
With great power comes great electricity bills
Because they lactose.
Because they cantaloupe
but after spending time on Reddit, I'm apparently well adjusted and normal.
Apparently two ones don’t make it write.
Me: I want to name our son James. Wife: Why? Me: No reason. 9 months later Wife: My water broke Me: Let the James begin
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… he made a bolt for the door.
She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies: "I think you’re the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says: "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?" She looks into his eyes and says calmly: "No, I’m your son’s teacher."
I've been nervous for weeks, but I finally decided to introduce them to my Spanish girlfriend My kids refused to talk to her and my wife started crying and told me to pack my things
The bartender asks, “How did you do that?”.
From my chemistry teacher; Frank Jr. "Yeah I have the same name as my dad. You want to know his best dad joke? Every time he calls me on the cellphone, he starts the conversation with "listen, I'm gonna be frank with you"
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"Don't look I'm changing!"
A woman is walking down the street when she bumps into an old friend she hasn’t seen in a long time. They sit down on a bench and catch up on their lives.
Friend: So do you have any kids? Woman: Yes, I have 5 boys. Friend: Nice! What are their names? Woman: Steve. Friend: You mean… All of them are named Steve? Woman: Exactly, it's so much easier that way! It's hard enough to supervise 5 boys playing together, it's even worse if I have to call them one by one. All I have to do is shout "STEVE!!!" and they all turn around immediately! Friend: But what if you only want to talk to one of them at a time? How do you differentiate them? Woman: Oh, well in that case, I just call them by their last name…
Because they have mass
Because he lives in a stable environment.
His sister Chewbacca is less thrilled.
Fruit of the tomb