That is true
How does virgin olive oil become extra virgin olive oil?
After getting dating advice from a Redditor.
Back in the day, everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Now, everyone owns a car and the rich have horses…
My, how the stables have turned!!
Why was Yoda afraid of 7?
Because 6, 7 8.
I’ve opened a barber shop for rabbits.
We only do hare cuts.
The secret service isn’t allowed to yell “Get down!” anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell "Donald Duck!"
I just slipped on a banana skin.
I look ridiculous in it.
What’s a good name for a detective?
Mr. E My 9 year old daughter came up with this, so please be kind!
My wife says that i dont give her enough privacy
At least that's what she said in her diary.
Why do polar bears only live at the north pole?
Because if they also lived at the south pole, they would be bipolar bears.
My doctor recommended exercise to slim down as well as some orange juice for vitamins
It’s the weight and c approach I guess
After hearing me sing for the first time, my music teacher told me I should be tenor.
Tenor twelve feet away from her and all musical instruments at all times.
Can’t imagine someone not understanding what erectile dysfunction is
I mean, it's not very hard.
Despite what you think, earthquakes aren’t perfect
They all have their faults.
My girlfriend and I are trying the whole “long distance relationship thing”
Also, the police say on top of having to stay 100 feet away, I need to stop referring to her as my "girlfriend"
My brother went to his AA meeting drunk, then he tripped down the stairs.
He's been having lots of trouble with the steps lately.
Kids today will never know how awesome pogs were. Or how to drive a stick shift. Or how to speak.
Most things escape baby goats.
Wife: Suppose you hit jackpot of 1 million dollars in a lottery…
Wife: Suppose you hit jackpot of 1 million dollars in a lottery and the same day, someone kidnaps me and demands ransom of 1 million dollars. What will you do? Husband: I doubt if I can hit two jackpots in one day!
A tree’s first winter must be terrifying.
Imagine the releaf they feel in spring.
What movies are rated 3.1416 stars?
Pirated movies
2 pilots meet
300 people died
A Blonde Woman Asks For A $5000 Loan
A blonde woman walks into a bank in NYC before going on vacation and asks for a $5,000 loan. The banker asks, "Okay, miss, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?" The woman says, "Yes, of course. I'll use my Rolls Royce." The banker, stunned, asks, "A $250,000 Rolls Royce? Really?" The woman is completely positive. She hands over the keys, as the bankers and loan officers laugh at her. They check her credentials, make sure she is the title owner. Everything checks out. They park it in their underground garage for two weeks. When she comes back, she pays off the $5,000 loan as well as the $15.41 interest. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very appreciative of your business with us, but I have one question. We looked you up and found out that you are a multi-millionaire. Why would you want to borrow $5,000?" The woman replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
How many lightning bugs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, but I have no idea how they got in there.
Why is it good to wash your eyes with ketchup?
Because Heinzsight is 20/20
If something were heat resistant…
Would you say it's heat proof, to a certain degree?
I took a class about origami and gambling
They told me “you gotta know how to hold em, and how to fold em.” 🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️ Dad out.