That will show them!
Last week at the zoo, I saw a baguette in a cage.
It made me sad, because I knew it was bread in captivity.
A man applies to a government job, and he gets told this:
The interviewer asked him if he was allergic to anything. He replies " Yes caffeine, I can't drink coffee," "OK," the interviewer says " Have you been in the military?" The man answers " Yes I was in Iraq for two years." The interviewer says " OK that will give you 5 points toward employment," then he asks " Are you disabled in any way?" The man says " Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles." The interviewer says " OK, you are a disabled veteran. That adds 5 more points to your employment. You're hired. Work is from 8am to 4pm and we expect you here at 10am. The man says " Wait, if work starts at 8am, why should I come in at 10?" The interviewer replies " Well, for the first two hours we just drink coffee and scratch our balls. No point in you coming for that"
I just found out that “Aaarghh” is not a real word.
I can’t express how angry that makes me.
Mandatory temperature screening will be required for fans attending the Foreigner reunion concert.
If you’re hot blooded, they’ll check it and see.
A blind girl once told me I was hung like a horse
but she was just pulling my leg.
My wife left me because she thinks I’m too insecure…
No, wait, she's back. She was just making a cup of tea.
A night out with 1$ [NSFW ?]
Two men only have a dollar for their night out and they want to get wasted. So they go into a night shop and buy a sausage. The first bar they go in they order 2 beers each. When they decide to leave, one takes out the sausage and places it between his legs. The other bends over and starts sucking on it. The barteneder forgetting that they had not payed yet thinks something else is going on so he kicks them out. They repeat this for around 15 more bars and are hammered. Then the first guy says "damn my back hurts from bending over so much!" The second says "you think that's bad? I lost the sausage 7 bars ago"
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
My neighbor is a 90 year old with alzheimer’s, I see him every morning and he asks me If I’ve seen his wife. Everyday I have to tell this poor man that his wife died 20 years ago. I could have moved to another house or even ignore his question
But the look of joy in his eyes whenever I answer him is worth the world.
What kind of Dr was Dr.Pepper
He was a Fizzsician
How did Hitler tie his shoes?
In little knotsies
From my 6yr old: Whats a guitar’s favorite cheese?
String cheese.
I passed all my courses except for Greek mythology.
It has always been my Achilles’ elbow.
Have You Heard The One About The Sheep?
It's baaad…
To the person who stole my glasses
I can still drink from the bottle
What do we want! Low flying aircraft noises!
When do we want them! Nooooooooooowwwwwwwwww
Bill Nye has a daughter who doesn’t believe in science.
Her name is Dee.
A kid asks his mom, “how was I born?”
The mother replies. Well, your dad and I took a little seed. We made a hole on the ground and covered it with earth. We watered it and took care of it. After some time, a plant came out of the ground and started to grow leaves. We took the leaves and smoked them and then we were so high that we fucked without a condom. And that's how you were born.
What’s blue and not very heavy?
Light blue
![Waiting for that message [OC]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/avl5oiV-400x417.jpg)
I asked my wife why she never tells me when she orgasms
She told me she doesn't want to bother me while I'm at work.
I always knock on the fridge before I open it
Just in case there’s a salad dressing
What rhymes with orange
No it doesn’t.
I don’t have a “Dad Bod”
I have a father figure
My friend and I started a business where we weigh tiny objects.
It’s a small scale operation.
I remember once when my dad gave me money to pay the electricity bill but instead i bought a raffle ticket for a brand new car…
…when i got home,i explained to my dad what i did and he beat the crap out of me. But the next day,when my dad woke up and opened the door,outside my house was a brand new car. We all cried especially me,because the car was from the electricity company,they were there to cut off the electricity, my dad beat the crap out of me again
