That’s gonna leave a m-
The French man takes out a bottle of very expensive wine, has one sip, and throws it out the window. The English man says "why did you do that? " and the French man replies, "we have so many of these in my country they are practically worthless. A few minutes later the Cuban man takes out a very fancy cigar, has one puff and throws it out the window. The English man says "why did you do that? " and the Cuban man replies, "we have so many of these in my country they are practically worthless. A few minutes later, the English man throws the Indian man out the window.
So he rounded them up.
It means a lot to me.
If it sinks, girl ant. If it floats……..boy ant.
A cop stops a miner for speeding on the highway and asks, “Whose car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do?”
On which the miner replies, "mine".
He’s a giant banner after all.
That’s a lot to digest.
In the fact-ory.
St. Peter is there to meet them with a bowl of Holy Water. St. Peter goes up to the first nun and says, "Have you ever touched a penis?" The first nun responds, "Yes I have. I have touched a penis with the tip of my finger." St. Peter holds out the bowl and says, "Dip your finger in this Holy Water, and be free to enter the Kingdom of Heaven." The first nun gladly follows the instruction and proceeds to enter Heaven. St. Peter goes to the second nun and again asks, "Have you ever touched a penis?" The second nun replies hesitantly, "Yes. I have touched a penis with my whole hand." St. Peter smiles and says, "Do not despair, simply dip your whole hand into the Holy Water and enter the Kingdom of Heaven." The second nun quickly does as she is told and gladly steps forth into Heaven. At this point the fourth nun cuts in front of the third nun and says, "Listen, I better go next because I'm not gurgling that shit after she sticks her ass in it."
"It's not my fault," I said, "Every time I try flushing them down the toilet they magically appear back in my pocket again." "Do you really expect me to believe that?" he laughed. I said, "I'll prove it to you if you want me to!" "Go on then." he smiled, handing me the bag. After flushing them, he looked at me and said, "Well, show me your pocket then." "What for?" I asked. He said, "The drugs." I said, "What drugs?"
So I just came in my pants.
…She's definitely a keeper! EDIT: This is the first joke I make up myself as a non-native speaker. I'm proud.
The Salivation Army
Because it would be EelEagle
Who’s there? Yah. Yah who? Sorry I prefer Google.
You can only ran, because it's past tents.
So I packed up my stuff and right.
Can February March? No, but April May.
she fell onto the floor. She popped right back up on the bed and yelled, "FIVE SECOND RULE!"
..they both belong in a pen….
it’s recommended to eat 3 squared meals a day
No matter what I tried he refused. One day it's time for his bath and he doesnt want to. I ask him what I can do to make him take a bath and he says "Take it with me." I say "fuck it. I need a shower too". We're in the middle of the shower when I notice he's staring at my dick. "Daddy, why is your pee pee so big?" And it hits me "Because I eat my vegetables." He's full on vegan now.
It's going to be a play on words.
It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
“Father, I’m seventy-five years old and last night I made love to two twenty-year-old girls at the same time.” The priest says, “When did you last go to confession?” The man says, “I’ve never been to confession, Father. I’m Jewish.” The priest says, “Then why are you telling me?” The man says, “I’m telling everybody!”
I should be upset but it’s a huge weight off my shoulder.
You can't tell me that's just a coincidence.
Confirm new password: Tomato Passwords don't match.
I bought a safe for my home
I nailed it.