That’s some proper magic
it was a counter-attack.
Now it's all over the bottom of the oven…
Sails have gone through the roof
You stay here, I’ll go on ahead.
But I couldn't find a manual.
He said, "But son, it's the same film if you watch it here."
The instructor told me that in this school of martial arts, unlike most others, there were eight points of contact to strike with – hands, elbows, knees and feet. He then told me to try striking the punching bag with my knee But I hit it with Muay Thai. (Thanks u/Daedyl)
Now it is Times New Ramen
At the fork, there is a sign which reads "Reddit go right, cowtown go left." The cowboy, confused and having never heard of Reddit, decides to give in to his curiosity and go right. After riding for a mile or so on the path, he reaches another fork. This sign reads "Reddit go right, cowtown go left." The cowboy, confused again about how he's reached the same sign decides that he's made a mistake somewhere along his path and looped back to where he started. Thinking he's made a mistake, he goes right again. He travels another five miles down the path until he reaches another sign, reading the same thing. "Reddit go right, cowtown go left." Determined to reach Reddit, he again goes right, and after another five miles of riding, he reaches a bar with "REDDIT" spelled out in bright lights. Feeling exhausted and angry for traveling all of that way with such little direction from the signs, the man decides to head in and have a beer. He walks in and sees that every bar stool is taken, but there is no one behind the bar taking orders. At this point, the cowboy is so dehydrated, sunburned and angry that he decides to barge right into the managers office and demand an explanation for this madness. He sees the manager sitting at his desk and asks him: "Hey Partner! What kind of circus are you running here? Every sign to get here is the exact same, and there's not a single person here to take my order!" The manager looks up from his desk, smiling and says : "This must be your first time here, so I'll explain. Every post is the same, and our servers never work. Welcome to Reddit, partner."
“I want to open a fucking checking account.” The astonished woman replies, “I beg your pardon, but we don’t tolerate language like that in this bank.” The teller then leaves the window and walks over to her manager to explain the situation. The manager agrees that the teller shouldn’t have to put up with that kind of language. They both return to the window and the manager asks the man, “Sir, what seems to be the problem here?” “There is no fucking problem” the man says. “I just won $500 million in the damn lottery and I want to put my fucking money in this damn bank.” “Oh, I see.” says the manager. “And is this bitch giving you a hard time, Sir?”
They steal all of the bases.
Because he was resisting a rest.
Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!
Can’t say I’m surprised.
Dead ant, dead ant. Deadant deadant deadant, dead ant, DEAD AAAANT. Deadant.
I wish tinder had it too.
I think he has a reptile dysfunction.
Because I got one stuck in my ass a couple years ago and me, my family and doctor still remember it vividly
It's much safer than going outwindows.
It was too much fizzical labor.
But when I got home, the tables were turned…
Me: Shit! One escaped?
No text found
Fans will remember that
1, 2, 3, 95, 98, NT, 2000, ME, XP, Vista, 7, 8,10.
I say "Are any of those gray?" She groans and says "How do you live with yourself?" I respond " I don't, I live with your mother".
A guy walks into a bar in one morning, and goes up to the bar tender. “Do you guys have golden toilets?” he asks.
"What? Golden toilets? What are you talking about?" "Look, last night I got pretty wasted but the one thing I can remember is peeing in a golden toilet." Bartender says "OK, first, no we don't have golden toilets. Secondly, HEY MORTY, I FOUND THE GUY THAT PISSED IN YOUR TUBA!"
Cop: Stop playing the race card.
I said "I do think it's rather re-markable."
She seemed surprised
You open windows.
After their 11th child, a Kentucky couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So, the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. 'A less costly alternative,' said the doctor, 'is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Kentucky) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10. The Kentuckian said to the doctor, 'I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me. ''Trust me,' said the doctor. So, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count! "1" "2" "3" “4” "5," at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand. This procedure also works in Tennessee, Louisiana, Arkansas, Mississippi, Parts of Georgia, Missouri, West Virginia, and all of Washington DC.
One goldfish looks at the other and says: "Hey man, how the hell do you drive this thing?"
An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family." No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression." Again, all was quiet. Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."