That’s what I call a scholar ship
I don't listen and something else…
So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.
Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
She ran away from the ball.
Even worse, if you play it forwards you'll hear Nickelback.
Dad: I don’t see any future in it.
Prophets are going through the roof.
Not what you are thinking.
Everyone I ask can't remember either.
A farmer quickly purchased land in a low lying depression, and began raising donkeys there. He did so with skill, and the donkeys rarely got away.
In other words, he hauled ass to amass asses in a hole asset, whole-ass not half-ass, lassoed the asses so they wouldn't by pass the ass hole.
So they can see the front lines
Kikkoman when he's down, I guess.
But her aim is getting better!
It said "Parking Fine"
Dead Man Wokking
A garbage truck
It’s parents were in a jam.
I texted my boss, "What's the difference between this morning and your daughter?" He answered, "I don't know." I replied, "I'm not coming in this morning."
We're currently filming the pilot.
So i send them to school wearing crocs and anime shirts and let other kids beat them instead
Dad: No it doesn’t
I know a kid who was born without eyelids. His parents decided to have him circumcised and used his foreskin as a skin graft for his eyelids. The surgery went really well….
…. although afterwards he was a bit cockeyed.
Since then, grandpa has been kicking puppies and setting fire to orphanages.
ʇsnɹɔ-ᴉʇu∀ ǝɥ┴ :∀
Axe Body Spray responded to Netflix’s tweet “what’s something you can say during sex but also when you manage a brand twitter account?” And responded with “Now 33% bigger.”
What they should have said is "we will make you gag".
But most only have 4 🙂
It doesn't last long for fat people.
My wife prefers to call it intercourse
They're just trying to fill a hole.
My wife must've bought the extra sharp cheddar.
Well, she always said she wanted a night in shining armor!
Good thing I opened the garage door first.
You went from the ladle to the grave.
I was suspicious or my girlffriend cheating on me with this guy from her gym. So i pick up her phone at night when she’s sleeping ..
…and drive to this dude's place on the other side of the town and go to stand on his porch to see if the wifi connects
My bosses tie