The actual Trump wall
Joke
Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live." Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!" Doctor: "Nine."
Can people stop making coronavirus jokes
I’m getting sick of them
If you clean a vacuum cleaner
You become a vacuum cleaner
Today I wished my dad a Happy Father’s Day.
His response: “Thanks son. I couldn’t have done it without you!” Happy Father’s Day!!
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory.
All I did was take a day off!
What sort of grades did Tommy Wiseau receive in school?
Oh, high marks.
How do you outrun a horse, tiger, lion, and elephant that are chasing you?
Get your drunk ass off of the merry-go-round.
The Avatar should come back to us when he gets old.
Like a good boomer Aang.
Dad, are we pyromaniacs?
Yes, we arson.
I’m tired of seeing “Hey OP, I slept with your mom last night!” every time I post something on Reddit.
I shouldn’t have told my dad what my username was.
My family just celebrated the 200th anniversary of owning a buffalo farm!
Yep. It's our bison-tennial.
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It’s an extremely rare dish order.
Which fruit likes to tease the others?
The banana nana boo boo
imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight.
there would be mass confusion.
I don’t mean to brag… but my Christmas wrapping is art. I wrap presents like it’s an extension of my soul.
It just so happens my soul is twisted, torn, and barely held together with tape.
I, foolishly, named my daughter Daenerys before seeing how Game of Thrones ended. But you live and you learn.
Now to take a big sip of coffee, sit down with my son, Judas, and read about how things worked out for this Jesus fella.
I saw a man with a clock on his belt today.
I thought “What as waist of time!”.
There’s love without sex and there’s sex without love…
Then there's You, without either. Happy Valentines
Interrupting Cow Adaptation
Knock-Knock "who's there?" Interrupting Snail. "Interrupting snail wh-" SNAIL.
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Which means that you will not only be banned from posting to this sub but you may get a shadow ban from reddit. Shadow ban means that you will not be able to post anything to ANY subreddit. Just follow the rules before posting.
As a doctor, I never make a joke about an unvaccinated baby.
But let me give it a shot.
What would a boner at a funeral be called?
Mourning wood
My wife asked me “Where’d you learn to make ice cream so well?”
Me: “Sundae School.”
Chicken walks into a bar
Bartender says "Wrong joke, yours is across the road"
Mom asked me why I deposited a pair of shoes into my bank account.
Me: "Well, you said my account should have a new balance. ;)"
A young boy asks his dad:
"Dad, what is the difference between confident and confidential?" The dad replies: "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend next door is also my son, that is confidential."
What do you give to a sick pig?
Oink-ment
Why are Canadians so good at sports?
They always bring their eh game
One night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars and I said to myself,
“My roof has disappeared”
I rarely put orange slices in my beer.
Once in a Blue Moon.
If you accidentally put salt instead of sugar in your tea…
It just becomes saltea.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?
Gloves. Jk, he hasn’t opened it yet.