The back-up rapper
it looks fishy
They sometimes get elected.
A Sharpei 🖊
The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
Because the p is silent.
Now they have to yell "Donald, Duck!"
All of a sudden, two buses pull up. Out of one pours the rabbi’s congregation and out of the other pours the priest’s congregation. Their clothes are on the other side of the lake so they don't have time to retrieve them, they just have to make a run for it. The priest, running with his hands covering his genitals, looks over at the rabbi and sees him running with his hands over his face. He says, "Rabbi! What are you doing!" The rabbi says, "In my community, they recognise me by my face."
Bob and Martha have been married for 15 years. Each and every morning of those 15 years, Bob has woken up, farted loudly and proudly, rolled over onto his back and got out of bed to go to work…
And each and every morning for those 15 years, Martha has said to him disgustedly, "One of these days, you're gonna fart your guts out!" But this has had no effect on Bob as he has continued merrily with his routine each morning. Martha is totally fed up with this and then one Thanksgiving morning when she got up early to get things ready, she got an idea while preparing the turkey. Before Bob got up, she crept upstairs and placed the turkey innards in his pajama bottoms, giggling to herself as she did so. A little later that morning, Bob woke up and went through his usual morning ritual with glee. Martha heard a scream as Bob jumped out of bed and ran into the bathroom. She laughed to herself, but when Bob didn't reappear from the bathroom for a long time she started to get concerned. So she ran upstairs and was just about to knock on the bathroom door, when Bob opened it and came out, pale as a ghost. He said, "You were right, honey, you were right! I did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God and these two fingers I got them back up there again!"
nsfw Sorry if I offended any of you. If you need some eyebleach I have a ton.
Apparently there is a New Delhi.
Quit shaking the ladder you little bastard!!!
"Cock, a doodle do."
About the snake that fell down on a drum? Ba-dum tsss
I was talking with fiance out getting married and he said he wasn’t excited about being called husbands.
But he though that wife had a nice ring to it.
Now I am at the hospital.
And to hell with anyone who doesn’t believe me.
It’s pasteurized before you even see it.
I looked at it and said, “This isn’t for me.”
The shopkeeper asked if I was going to put it up myself. I said “no, it’s going in the living room”.
The second one is a repost.
But you probably Reddit
Livers are important.
No it doesn't
I refused to be spoken to in that tone of voice
…it was fantastic!
A clitoris only tastes like piss for a second.
My girlfriend said to me, “I’m sick of you pretending to be a detective. I think we should split up.”
I said, "Good idea – we can cover more ground that way!"
Boss: "Certainly not!" Assistant: "Thank you so much sir."
Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!
No text found
But I couldn't find a manual.
I have a father figure