The best joke I can think of is quarantine.
If you don't get it, it's because it's an inside joke.
Because they know divorce will be with them. Always.
Personally, I‘d get rid of the 800m. It‘s too long to be considered a sprint and not long enough to really be long distance.
So when they come back they can Scandinavian.
Because he felt empty inside
A guy was being investigated by the IRS. After dodging the agent for weeks, his family convinced him to go get a lawyer and go talk to the irs agent. The guy goes to see the lawyer and they ride together to the IRS office to see what the problem is. The IRS agent meets the guy and tells him he has dozens of huge lumps of income with no taxes paid and no explanation. These were deposits of 1000, 5000, even 75000 dollars. The guy listened and offered an explanation. “I make bets with people, and I tend to win” The IRS agent found this very hard to believe. “You expect me to believe that? Someone make a 75 grand bet and paid it?” The guy offered an example. “I’ll bet you a thousand bucks right now that I can bite my own eye” The IRS agent thought to him self and accepted the bet. Thinking it was impossible. So the guy took out his glass eye, bit it, and put it back in his head. The IRS was shocked The guy offered another bet. “You don’t know me and that was unfair. I’ll bet you 5 grand I can bite my other eye” The IRS agent thought that would surely be impossible. He saw the man drive to his office with the lawyer. And he was the one driving. So he accepts the bet. The guy then takes out his false teeth, bites his other eye and puts them back in his mouth. The IRS agent was shocked. The guy offered him a way to break even. “I’ll bet you 6 thousand dollars I can pee into that coffee cup on your desk from across the room without getting a drop on the floor” Thinking it’s impossible and wanting his money back he accepts again. So the man stands against the far wall, gets ready to pee, and just end up peeing all over the agent’s carpet and chairs and walls. Only a drop landed in the cup. The IRS agent was ecstatic. Jumping up and down, cheering, and just excited he didn’t owe this guy 6 grand anymore. Then he spots the lawyer in the corner. “Why do you look so upset? Your clients free to go. No more investigation.” The lawyer gets up and says, “He bet me 200 thousand dollars on the way here that he’d pee all over your office and you’d love it.”
I asked my 10 brothers and sisters, but they don’t know either.
I should’ve known it was a Leper-con.
I remember when porn genres were tame, none of that freak nasty stuff like furries, ugly bastards, vore, and other weird fetishes.
Seriously, what is the world cumming to?
It's the neighborhood watch.
DAD: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? SON: Envelope.
… nah, I shouldn’t spread it around
He was in De Nile
Hopefully I won't get locked up for resisting a rest.
The horse-pital. No I’m kidding they get shot
… until the doctor told me to take the candles off first! Happy cake day to meeeeee!
I saw it with my own eyes
The followed response, "Guys calm down, it's just a drill."
Basically you’re a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
So I packed all her clothes and left.
People always ask where I got my incredibly detailed tattoo done, but they never believe me when I tell them Spain.
Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.
The pessimist sees a tunnel. The optimist a light a the end of the tunnel. The realist sees a train…
The train engineer sees three idiots on the railroad tracks.
Now, it makes all the cents in the world.
Me: No, I think they need to stay on the wall.
It doesn’t. It poops on my floor.
Where’d the Van Gogh?