The Blonde joke to end all Blonde jokes
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman Police Officer, who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blondes driver's licence. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
"What does it look like?" she finally asked. The Police woman said "It's square and has your picture on it"
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the Police woman. "Here it is" she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying "Okay, you're free to go, I didn't realize you were a cop"
Great man, terrible geologist
Because he was my newt
She has selfie steam issues.
It turns out my customers didn't like it when I tried to go the extra mile…
Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
Chicken sees a salad
It means a lot to them…
In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more. For the second time she attempted the step, and once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step. About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!' The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we are friends."
He's a small arms dealer
Worst postcard ever.
He kneads the dough.
Something bad is gonna happen, I can feel it
So I got all of his old Beyblades out the attic.
VELOCIRAPTOR -heehee physics jokes
Me and my wife stopped talking for weeks after we blamed each other for not defrosting the refrigerator.
Finally, I decided to break the ice.
In charge of the sequence. Yoda was.
Because of the tele-ban
I watch it online, because I can’t afford it.
The living room
A young woman is at her doctor’s appointment when the doctor says, “Ma’am, I’ve got your results, and it appears that you are pregnant.”
The woman appears shocked. "What!? You've got to be…" She pauses for a moment. "…Kid-in-me." After a a few moments of her giggling turn into silence, the doctor replies "Did you seriously get pregnant just to say that joke?" The woman says "It was totally birth it."
There would be mass confusion.
I refuse to go that level
I won't lie, it was a Rocky Road.