The Burger King grew up here.
You’ll never hear a Hindu tell a Yo Mamma joke…
They consider cows to be sacred.
r/NASAmemes is a new subreddit for space and NASA memes!
r/NASAmemesFeel free to join if you’re interested!
How To Date During A Corona Virus Lock Down And Quarantine & Best Date Ideas To Do When Everything Is Shut Down.
https://youtu.be/r_yF1FNcH4Q
My friend threw sodium chloride at me!
THAT'S A SALT!
I’m not an alcoholic. In fact, there’s only three times I ever drink.
Before work, during work, and after work.
Kermit The Frog and Henry The Eighth…
…have the same middle name
As a responsible employer, All my staff are in a 2 week quarantine.
Productivity is through the roof since nobody can leave the office.
So I killed 5 zombies and a vampire…
… I'm just trying to figure out why they were all carrying bags of candy 🤔
Me: Sweet dog you got there
Policeman: Yes, this is our new drug-sniffing dog. Me: Still in training, huh? Policeman: What do you mean? Me: Nevermind
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When the punchline’s a motherf*cker.
There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
Only a fraction of you will understand that
Trump said in his campaign that if I voted for Clinton…
Trump said in his campaign that if I voted for Clinton, I would be stuck with a president under constant federal investigation from day one. Turned out, he was right. I voted for Clinton and I have been stuck for years with a president under federal investigation from day one.
Whenever someone asks me if I know how to use a(n) [INSERT MICROSOFT OFFICE PRODUCT]…
… I tell them, "Why yes, I Excel at it" and when they say, "Well, can you help me do this?" Me: "Word."
I dared a guy to fill up his piggy bank with one penny every year for one hundred years.
He said he wouldn’t do it. Cause it would take a cent-ury.
I edited my pig’s genes to make it taste better
you might even say the bacon is CRISPR
What do you say to your sister when she’s crying?
Are you having a crisis?
Two years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf…
I haven’t heard from him since…
Smaller babies are always delivered by stork…
…but the heavier ones need to be delivered by crane…
TIL why nurses always carry red crayons…
It's in case they have to draw blood…
The UK trialled switching to the dollar…
/r/Jokes/comments/f0k1ay/the_uk_tested_switching_to_the_dollar/
What do you call a dog that likes to dig up bones?
A barkeologist
Why did the hipster burn his mouth?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
Catto Corleone!
Catto Corleone!
I took my dog to the lake to day and noticed he floats very well
He’s a good buoy
A cowboy thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 97
So he rounded them up.
Did you know Tampax gives away slightly defective tampons for free?
No strings attached.
I’ve asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for
So far no one has given me a straight answer
I was eating a steak in my favorite restaurant, when a girl came to my table and shouted at me: “Enjoying your meat, murderer?!”
Seriously Rachel it was 15 years ago and your dad had a knife. Jeez.