The caption and meme are unnecessary
A Soviet army is marching through a Finnish forest when a general hears a voice from over a hill shout: "one Finnish soldier is better than 10 Soviet soldiers!" The general promptly send 10 soldiers to root out the voice, there is gunfire, and then silence. After a few minutes, the voice shouts defiantly: "One Finnish soldier is better than a hundred Soviet soldiers!!" The general sends a hundred men to remove the nuisance, there is a racket of gunfire, and then quiet. The voice crys out loudly once more: "One Finnish soldier is better than a thousand Soviet soldiers!!" Enraged, the general sends a thousand men charging over the hilltop to shut up that voice once and for all, an epic battle rages, and then quiet. After a few minutes, a gravely wounded Soviet crawls back over the hill and crys: "It's a trap! There are two Finnish soldiers!!"
Because it was soda pressing
A mosquito got old enough to fly on his own, when he came back his mother was happily waiting for him. -"How was your first flight, my dear?" The mother asked. -"Amazing." He answered "Everyone thought I was doing great!" -"Oh yeah? What makes you think that?" -"Well, wherever I went people started clapping!"
Bad reviews… only 1 star.
They are a she now, but they were a heathen.
And I’m not getting any straight answers.
I just can't seem to put it down.
Two older women were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking. First Lady:Whats that? Second Lady: A condom. This way my cigarette doesnt get wet. First Lady: Where did you get it? Second Lady : You can get them at any drugstore. The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years old), but very delicately asks what brand she prefers. Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a Camel.
SIMPLE – Just give it some food! If she eats the food, then it's a girl. But if he eats the food, then it's a boy.
I set the comp password to ‘Homework1st’ my daughter was getting frustrated that every time she asked what I changed it to, I answered. She did every piece of work, including corrections. Then I wrote it down.
They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don't live in a swing state.
An international school teacher asks a question: “What’s your own opinion on food scarcity in other countries?”
An African student responds: What’s food? A European student: What’s scarcity? An American student: What are "other countries"? A Chinese student: What’s "my own opinion"?
No forks were given
My wife caught me peeing in the shower, and the people at Lowe's are still mad about it.
Because they love the high Cs.
It's a crow chez crochet.
I was having sex with my friend’s wife, the phone rang. I heard it was her husband and I quickly started to get dressed.
She told me not to worry. He was out drinking with me…
..and I are watching a movie Me: Why are those piranha's biting that guys butt? My five year old: Because they're BOTTOM FEEDERS! Get it?! BOTTOM FEEDERS
A: she would never accede a minnow fan! @SwiftOnSecurity
None. They’ll just shoot the room for being black
Man: I’m .. Officer: Go on. Man: I think… Officer: Yes? Man: Can I please finish my sentence? Officer: Sure. Parole denied.
But it's okay because I can stop whenever I want
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
…does that make semen gender-fluid?
She really wanted a daughter.
I said that makes two of us
They were out standing in their field