The Daily Press Briefing “Circus of Incompetence” continues. 4/7/2020: Trump condemns mail-in voting in spite of he himself and Melania voting by mail in the Florida primary less than a month before. OMG…no words…
Her name was Wendy and i had it done when I was hard and now you can only see W and Y when soft. One day I was on holiday in Jamaica, using the restroom I noticed a Jamaican man with the same WY tattoo. I asked if he had Wendy tattooed on his penis aswell. He replied: "nah bro it says, Welcome to Jamaica and have a nice day"
There was no coffin at his funeral!
Terrible joke, only 3 stars
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery
The bartender says to the rabbit, "What can I get ya, sir?" The rabbit says, " I have no idea. I'm only here because of Autocorrect."
The other vowel says, “Aye E! I owe you!”
I told him by the time he got his license and was old enough to drive it, it would be a Sheeporghini
But I think deep down they know nothing could be father from the truth.
She's such a Thyme waster
Been chatting with this 14 year old girl. Real sexy and flirty. Things are going great, but now she tells me she’s an undercover cop.
How fucking cool is that for someone her age.
You get your palm red for free
A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked: “Honey, if I died would you get married again?”
Husband: "No sweetie." Wife:"I'm sure you would." Husband: "Okay, I would" Wife: "Would you let her sleep in our bed?" Husband: "Ya, I guess so." Wife: "Would you let her use my golf clubs?" Husband: "No, she's left handed."
Because he doesn’t want to be spotted
She said no, she thinks I'm just after my money.
He's gay, definitely gay.
A below job
Gravity: notices your buldge Proto star: Blushes
Went jogging in flip flops just to remember the sound
He nuts and bolts!
"My son told me he is transgender." "So?" "That makes me transparent."
The food is great and all but there's no atmosphere.
The boy says, "Me ma is dead." "Oh bejaysus," the man replies. "Do you want me to call Father O'Riley for you?" The boys says, "No tanks mister. Sex is the last thing on my mind at the moment."
While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer cooler. One nun said to the other, "Wouldn't a nice cool beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?" The second nun answered "Indeed it would Sister, but I wouldn't feel comfortable buying beer as I am certain that it would cause a scene at the checkout counter." "I can handle that without a problem" she replied as she picked up a six pack and headed for the checkout. The cashier had a surprised look on his face when the two nuns arrived with a six pack of beer. "We use beer for washing our hair" the nun said, "A shampoo, of sorts, if you will." Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter, pulled out a package of pretzel sticks and placed them in the bag with the beer. He then looked the nun straight in the eye, smiled and said "The curlers are on the house."
A garbage truck.
They’ve been working tirelessly to find him
My Gran said to me, “Young men of today just aren’t as polite and charming as they were when I was young.”
I had to explain, “That’s because they aren’t trying to fuck you now.”