THE DEAR LEADER GAVE YET ANOTHER BRILLIANT PERFORMANCE ON THE WORLD STAGE!
My wife told me I had a small penis, so I said it was big enough to hurt her.
“There isn’t a woman in the world that would be hurt by that thing,” she said. I then showed her a video of me fucking her sister.
Today I took all my daughter’s dolls and lined them up by the window facing our grill
I was just preparing a Barbie Queue
I went to the therapist after my phone died.
I just needed an outlet.
Went to a stables looking for work and the stable master asked “Have you ever shoed a horse?”
"No, but I told a donkey to fuck off once."
I was going to give archery a shot
But there’s too many drawbacks
What’s the difference between the clitoris and a can of Bud Light?
The clitoris only tastes like piss for the first few seconds.
I had 12 bottles of whisky in my basement.
However, my wife did not approve of this ownership of liquor, so she asked me to dispose of it in the sink. And since I didn't dare oppose her, I commenced my precarious mission thus: I pulled the cork out of the first bottle, and poured the contents down the drain, except for one glass which I drank. Then I pulled the cork from the second bottle, poured the contents in the sink, except for one glass, which I drank. Then I pulled the cork off the third bottle, poured one glass, except for the content, which I drank. Then i pulled the cork out of the fourth sink, poured the bottle in the glass, which I drank. I then pulled the cork out of the next glass, poured the cork in the bottle and pulled the glass. After that, I pulled the cork out of the bottle, poured the sink in the bottle and put the cork in the bottle with the glass and pored the whisky on the bottle. When all the bottles were empty, I had to support the house with one hand while I counted bottles, corks and glasses with the other hand. I got 29, precisely. To be absolutely sure, I counted once more. This time I got 74 again. When the house was passing by I counted everything again, and lastly all the houses, bottles and sinks, except for one cork that I poured in the house and drank…
Told this Chemistry joke before on here…
… But I got a very bad reaction
Dyslexic jokes about trees are O. A. K.
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Wanna hear a joke about coronavirus?
Never mind, you probably won't get it.
An 85-year-old man was told by the Doctor that he needed a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a sperm sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, "Well, doc, it's like this first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. 'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, the with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. "We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! “You asked your neighbour?" The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."
A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!" The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor. “You rotten bastard," says the husband,"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!!”
There was a young man…
There was a young man From Cork who got limericks and haiku's confused
What is the least spoken language in the world?
Sign Language
What does necrophilia and alcoholism have in common?
The irresistible urge to crack open a cold one.
I found an alien masturbating in my freezer last night. I asked him what on earth he was doing in there.
He said, “I cum in peas.”
Why couldn‘t the bike stand up by itself?
It was two tired
I’d like to tell you my corona virus joke.
Hopefully you won't get it.
“Hey Bud, why don’t you use condoms?”
"My pull out game is superb. Condoms are also expensive, gotta pinch pennies when you have 14 kids to feed."
Why does the Swedish Navy have bar codes on their ship?
So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian.
I would tell you guys a joke about this girl I know who only eats greens, however
You guys probably never heard of herbivore
Magician: “For this trick I’m gonna dissapear”
Magician: Looking at pear “You’re ugly!”
The old lady fell in a deep hole in the ground.
She couldn’t see that well.
My five-year-old just asked me what my name is and I told him “You know what my name is.”
He replied, "Your name is 'You know what my name is'?" I've never been prouder.
Is this sub still active?
There hasn’t been a post all year. Happy New Years from New Zealand
Are you pissed?
Wife: Not necessarily. Me: Ok. So you are pissed but, unnecessarily?
Crazy ex-girlfriends are like a box of chocolates.
They'll kill your dog.
Where are all these great dad jokes stored?
The dadabase
I know now why Trump wants to build a wall
It's been years since he managed to erect anything
