The depths of my belly laugh cannot be fathomed.
What happens when you slip a chicken a dollar?
Chicken strips.
The Avatar should come back to us when he gets old.
Like a good boomer Aang.
Two wrongs don’t make a right…
But two Wrights make a plane.
I think I have bad posture
But it's just a hunch.
Iβve got a hen who can count her own eggs…
Sheβs a mathamachicken…
Why are photographers so hesitant to get into a relationship?
They're interested in developing one, but can't stop focusing on all the negatives.
Why did the Mexican guy take xanax?
For Hispanic attacks.
I found a box of discarded calculators and I just had to rescue them because…
Every calculator counts.
Whatβs tiny and can be found on the beach?
A Microwave.
My friend decided to have a testicle removed after he found a lump.
He is really hardcore about his mashed potatoes.
Why donβt vegetarians moan during sex?
They donβt want to admit that a piece a meat makes them happy
What do you call a cow that works out?
Beefy my 15 year old daughter trying to emulate my sense of humor.
Me and my wife stopped talking for weeks after we blamed each other for not defrosting the refrigerator.
Finally, I decided to break the ice.
What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?
A chicken tender
A man dies and meets God
God tells him "Because of your excellent behaviour in life, I will grant you one wish, you can ask me anything." The man says "Okay, Tell me who killed JFK?" God says "It was Lee Harvey Oswald acting alone, using his own rifle" The man says "Wow, this goes higher up than I thought"
A guy asked a girl in a university library…
…"Do you mind if I sit beside you?β The girl replied with a loud voice, "NO, I DON 'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!" All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy 's table and said, "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?β The guy then responded with a loud voice, β$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? THAT 'S WAY TOO MUCH!β All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock. The guy stood and whispered in her ear, "I study law, and I know how to screw people."
Atheism and Religion are two sides of the same coin.
One relies on heads while the other is just based on tales.
If you get a link called “free p0rn” don’t opin it.
It's a virus wich deactivates your spelchek and fcuks up you riting. I receibed it but lukily I don't wach p0rn so I dint opin it. Plees warm you frends Wanks
Everybody knows there are words only black people can say, but what can only white people say?
"Thanks for the warning, officer."
I bought shoes from a drug dealer once.
I donβt know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.
You canβt run through a campground
You can only ran, because itβs past tents
A truck loaded with Worcestershire sauce is driving through Saskatoon, Saskatchewan when it collides with a Nissan Qashqai.
The truck then careens down the road and hits a car from Massachusetts, injuring the two otorhinolaryngologists inside. A bystander quickly calls to report the accident on his Huawei. The emergency operator asks the bystander, "What happened?" "It's hard to say." . . Co-written by M0ng078
Beethovenβs grave
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate. When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards." He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh… the Sixth… the Fifth…" Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."
A man’s fence is broken and he needs to hire someone to fix it
So he goes online to find someone to fix his fence for him but he is unsatisfied with their prices, that is until he finds a Buddhist monk who will do it for free. He is initially surprised by this and assumes it might be a fake listing, but since it's free he feels like he has nothing to lose so he hires him. Sure enough a few days later the monk shows up with a toolkit in hand, the man shows the monk that his fence has been ripped out of the ground and that he needs to replace it. About an hour later the monk walks in and tells the man he is finished, and when the man goes outside he sees that the fence is perfect, thinking he can't just tell the monk to leave after doing such a great job for free he invites the monk inside for a cup of coffee. The man then starts talking to the monk, "It surprised me to see a monk offering services for fence repair, why do you do it?" he asked the monk replied "Religious reasons." The man then says "I don't know much about Buddhism, why do you need to repair fences?" "Because" the monk replied, "You would be surprised at the amount of karma you get for reposting."
Harry Potter went to his local gym. How did he get to the dumbbell room?
He went through the dumbbell door.
Why don’t cows jump over electric fences?
It would be an udder disaster