The Difference or Parties
He has selfie steam problems.
you woulda thought the whole thing was built on some Indian burial ground.
Because property is theft
There would be six feet between us.
I told her to give me some time to think about it and I would call her back. Before I called her back my aunt called, told me that my cousin was lying and not to give her the money. She goes on to say that the real reason my cousin wanted the £300.00 was to get her boyfriend out of jail so she “could be under the same roof as him for his birthday”. I was mad when I heard that, but I thought about it for a minute …decided to give her the £300.00 because we all need help at times. So, I called my cousin told her to come get the money. A couple of hours later, I get a call from the Correctional Facility. It was my cousin crying, screaming & asking why I gave her counterfeit money. My response…so you and your boyfriend could be under the same roof for his birthday!
You console it.
but I like my words to be spelt in reverse alphabetical order.
A man had been drinking all night at a bar before puking all over his shirt. “Shit I can’t go home like this my wife will kill me” The bartender sees this and says “put a $20 bill in you pocket and when she sees the puke tell her some drunk puked on you and gave you $20 for dry cleaning”. So he goes home and his wife sees the puke on his shirt and asks what happened, he replies “a drunk guy puked on me and he gave me $20 to pay for dry cleaning”. To which his wife says “Ok…then why do you have $40 in your hand?” “Because he also shit in my pants.”
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Step 1: Step 4: Step 9: Step 15:
If it sinks, girl ant. If it floats, buoyant
I guess you could say he was Van Halen.
Got such a fright when the lifeguard blew his whistle that I nearly fell in..
A 5 year old African American wanted to see what it was like to be white so he covered himself in sugar. He went up to his mother and said “look mama I’m a white boy now!” and she punches him in the face and he then goes to his father and says “look pops I’m a white boy now!” and he takes off his belt and beats him with it. Finally, he goes to his grandma and says “Grandma, I’m a white boy now!” and she slaps him across the face and asks the boy “How does it feel to be white now?” He responds by saying “I’ve been white for 5 minutes and I already hate black people.”
I tell my wife I’m close to 60,000 Karma on my Reddit, and she says the only Karma I need in my life is her..
I reminded her Karma's a Bitch..
I have a hunch it might be me.
Deep down, I realized it wasn’t for me.
So I suggested Kaye and Elle.
They acts like they don’t exist until they want something.
I’m not joking, but he is.
They all disagreed with her though.
I had a sex toy business that specialized in gold plated butt plugs. One day I got a cease and desist letter from Apple. Apparently they hold the patent on overpriced shit for assholes.
"How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
Then why did the plane crash?
Because he had a lot of trans sisters
I have contacts.
Because he was asked to research.
That makes him Postponed Malone.
She must be homeless..
It was like taking a baby from Candy.
Royalty free music
It's ridiculous and unfair. Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country.
“Okay Fred, Shaggy and Daphne, can you name an animal that lives in Africa and has a large horn on its face?” “Rhino!”
"We know you know the answer, Scooby, but it's not your turn!"
I told him, "It seems you are a father now, a parent Lee."
Because spreading misinformation is government's job.
But I got fired for taking a couple of days off.