The holidays are rolling in
Why does Greta Thunberg like r/jokes so much?
We recycle our material every fucking day.
Can you believe it says in the Bible that men should make their wife’s coffee everyday?
Yup, it’s right there in Hebrews.
My wife said this sub is nothing but the same recycled crap over and over.
She is so wrong so I told her to check my history. My last post here says otherwise.
Time flies like an arrow, and fruit flies like a banana
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I was going to make an alzhiemers joke
but I forgot it
Why did the console player cross the road?
To render the buildings
Two men were washed ashore during World War I.
Their ship, an aging minesweeping model, had wrecked off the coast of an uninhabited island. As the older veteran worked to build a makeshift camp, the younger soldier managed to salvage a radio, and quickly telegraphed an SOS with their coordinates. To their surprise, a ship responded within the hour, confirming that it could arrive at their position in approximately two weeks. The old vet sighed and shook his head, saying he'd rather take his chances swimming out to the wrecked ship and trying to repair it. The young soldier scoffed. "You'd really rather play with that old mine craft all day?" The older man shrugged. "It's better than a fortnight."
My dentist removed the wrong tooth.
It was accidental.
How many volunteers do we have for my army ?
"385, my liege." "Okay, round them up." "400, my liege."
Me: This is my horse, Mayo.
Friend: why did you call him that, he’s not even a white horse? Mayo: [neighs]
Aragorn, Boromir, Legolas, and Gandalf walk into a bar
Gimli and the Hobbits are short and walk under it.
I finally watched Doctor Who.
It was about time.
I like this because no matter which way you think is the right way to say it you are right
https://ift.tt/2zujMPY
To be frank,
I'd have to change my name
Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?
They each got six months.
I have my grandma on speed-dial
Call it Instagram
I mean, to be frank
I'd have to change my name
Tim asked his bitcoin investing brother
For $10 worth of bitcoin B: $9.34? Why do you need $10.35 of bitcoin? T: I just want to start investing for college? B: Ok, I just sent you $24.39 of bitcoin for you. T: Thanks! Why did you give me more than I asked you for? B: I gave you $15.43, just like you asked. T: Okay, hopefully my $13.86 price will go up. B: No problem, Timmy. $4.31 isn't that much for me.
Communism jokes aren’t funny
Unless everyone gets them
There’s a new razor designed for dyslexics…
It's the best thing since sliced beard…
Your underwear is incorrect, please try again. If you can’t remember your underwear, enter your email and we will send you recovery instructions. Your underwear is too small, it must have atleast three holes. Your underwear hint is “Am I wearing any?” Your new underwear cannot be your old underwear.
https://ift.tt/38Rkqnb
I slept with a blind woman the other night. It went pretty well, mostly.
Once the clothes came off she said to me "You have the biggest dick I have ever laid my hands on" I said, "Stop pulling my leg."
A man tried to sell me a coffin today
I told him that was the last thing I needed.
What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are $1.98, deer nuts are under a buck.
Today in sex ed our teacher asked what’s the difference between a male reproductive system and the female reproductive system.
Apparently there’s a vas deferens