I'm going to put my glasses on.
Yeah me too.
He picks him up, and the guy falls down. He picks him up, guy falls down again. Finally the bartender slings the guy over his shoulder and takes him to an address he finds in the guy's wallet. When they get to the guy's house the bartender stands him up again, and the guy crumples to the ground. The bartender bangs on the door and the guy's wife answers. "Here's your drunken bum of a husband," the bartender says The wife asks, "Where's his wheelchair?"
One is a fat, white, mindless killing machine with no conscience or future, and the other is a bear.
he is immediately disqualified.
Rip it! 6 year old son just came up with this. I'm sure he's not the first to think of it, but he came up with it on his own and i got a good chuckle out of it. 🙂
Those dudes are royal AF
Congratulations, you can now say razor blades in Australian.
I said "no dice."
He laughs at them sometimes
I just laughed because I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
He hates capitalism
I WANT SAMOA!!
One turns to the other and says “Man, I can’t believe I blew thirty bucks in there”.
David Hasselhoff walked into a bar and ordered a drink. “It’s a pleasure to serve you Mr Hasselhoff,” said the bartender.
“Just call me Hoff,” he replied. “Sure,” said the bartender. “No hassle.”
And a Czech one too. And a Czech one too.
She knows how to make bad decisions, yet stick by them.
…until the pressure got to him.
Husband: I heard a rumor that the mailman has slept with every single woman on our street except one.
Wife: I bet it's that snooty Priscilla Jones in Number 7.
I don't get the difference.
One of them is left leaning, and the other one is right leaning.
The bartender says, "Seems as though you’ve got a major stuttering problem." The man replies, "N-n-no k-k-k-idding!" The bartender says, "I used to stutter, but my wife cured me. One afternoon she gave me oral sex three times in a row, and I haven’t stuttered since!" The man says, "W-w-wow, th-th-that’s great to kn-kn-know…" A week later, the same man walks in to the bar, and says, "G-g-gimme a b-b-beer." The bartender says, "Why didn’t you try what I told you?" "I d-d-did!" said the man, "It j-j-just d-d-didn’t w-w-work… ….b-b-but I m-m-must say, you have a r-r-really n-n-nice apartment!"
I don’t see why I should pay real money to see fake boobs.
"Over there, next to mine" wasn't the answer I was expecting.
I'm also 100% in prision.
I called work this morning and whispered, “Sorry boss, I can’t come in today. I have a wee cough.” He exclaimed, “You have a wee cough!?”
I said, "Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!"